Features
What IS Happiness?
My mind continued on the subject and the concept of happiness, and so I decided to ask people for their definitions, what was the happiest moment for them and other questions. It was not curiosity but a genuine interest in this all important behavioral state of being, however short lived or long. Everyone wants to be happy, even animals and perhaps plants too who will be unhappy in most of Sri Lanka at this time of drought.
Definition
Last Sunday I declined to define the term, concept or emotion – happiness. I shy away from giving a definition but say happiness is equivalent to contentment. If you are satisfied with the moment and you feel contentment, then that is happiness.
The happiest moment of my long life was when my first child was born. In those days we had no training for childbirth, no breathing exercises et al. I had a difficult time and while heaving in pain around 6.00 in the evening when a change of all nursing staff takes place, I was left with two scared young trainee nurses in the nursing home very close to the Dalada Maligawa in Kandy.
An event at the Maligawa meant all roads were temporarily closed. I wondered whether Dr Mendis would arrive at all. He did and a competent nursing sister was at hand. Pain and worry disappeared with the first cry of the baby. I was overwhelmed with joy, satisfaction and gratitude to the doctor and all others, my family included, who had seen me through the day, now no longer an ordeal. I hardly slept that night, so happy was I seeing and hearing the little mite in a cot close by, starved for twelve hours, but making soft baby sounds.
Mrs B, the first elected prime minister of the world was at the Maligawa to pay homage to the Sacred Relic and so roads were closed and all that. I wondered whether Dr Mendis would arrive at all. I was wheel chaired to the delivery room, the two scared nurses pleading with me not to push, and then appeared the doctor – a god to me. A competent nursing sister too was present and my child was safely delivered.
Pain and worry disappeared with his first cry as I saw Dr Mendis hold him upside down. Doctor patted me and said he’d noted the time of birth. When the baby was bathed and dressed in a shirt I had lovingly stitched, and placed close by my side, I was overwhelmed with joy, satisfaction and gratitude to the doctor and all others, my family included, who had seen me through the day, now no longer an ordeal. I hardly slept that night, so happy was I seeing and hearing the little mite in a cot close by, starved for twelve hours, but making soft baby sounds.
This baby, now a grown man having children of his own, dares to give me a dig and defines happiness as the satisfaction one gets when others are made to write one’s Sunday Island column!!
Other aspects of happiness
What makes for happiness in one’s life? With age and experience I have decided one can never rely on others to create happiness for oneself. They may be contributory in either making you happy or unhappy, but it is you yourself who finally is the arbiter and maker of your happiness or unhappiness. This fact is so clearly stated in the Buddha Dhamma: “Be a refuge unto yourself” – rely on yourself for your own deliverance from Samsara but also for your happiness and well being.
Have I succeeded in making myself happy? No, not most of the time because my nature is such that I fear happenings, still carry regrets that no longer corrode me but are present, and frankly am rather quirky.
When am I happy? I was very happy being by myself, but no longer. I want people around. I am very happy and buoyant when with family and friends. I know people who are happiest when meditating, since they easily settle down to being completely within themselves and one pointed in meditation. I have experienced such too.
Giving, sharing, being good to people makes for happiness. I suppose this is why Monk Ricard always pairs happiness with compassion. If one is completely with metta (loving kindness to all); karuna (compassion, empathy); muditha (joy in others’ wellbeing); and upekka (equanimity), one is assured of happiness. If you have the last quality in your behavior or persona and inbuilt in your nature, you are through – you will always be happy since satisfaction and being unshaken by circumstances and inner uncertainties s assured.
What makes for happiness? I take here the personal aspect. Not riches, a luxurious life, status et al. Not one bit. To me happiness is derived mostly from the fact my children and their family members are good people in every sense of the word. Their happiness in life gives me lasting happiness.
Others’ ideas
I feel compelled and obliged to give verbatim the answers of a beautiful woman of 60.
Q : What is your idea/definition of the concept – happiness?
A: Trying to define Happiness is like trying to describe the shape of a cloud. Happiness is believed to have something to do with the mental filters that we look at life through. Psychologists point out to the workings of our brain, where our disposition to being happy is governed by which side of the brain we are predisposed to favour. The Buddha says, “Our life is a creation of our mind”. Consequently, for some, happiness could be found in the pursuit of fame, money or beauty, while for others it’s found in more spiritual pursuits of sharing and caring.
Q: What do you think goes to make happiness and to sustain it?
A:Happiness is a short lived state of being. A piece of music, a nature walk, time spent with a toddler, winning the lottery, finding something that went missing could all contribute to being happy. To sustain being happy would require a moving to a higher state such as joy and bliss. And this requires working on one’s mind.
Q: What was your happiest moment?
A : Selecting one moment is not easy to do. We all have a myriad “happiest” moments. Holding my newborn was a supremely happy moment. Looking back on my childhood, feels like it was one of the happiest times in my life. But, that is also because the mind edits out the not so savory bits of growing up, but aggregates the majority of it as being idyllic.
Q: What was the happiest period in your life?
A : I hope with wisdom of age and experiences of life, the happiest period is what lies ahead.
Q: What do you do or intend to do to be happy and live happily?
A: Live each day knowing I tried to be the best version of myself. Be kind and forgiving to myself, be understanding of others, be loving and compassionate to those who differ from me. In short, the Golden Rule or the Eightfold Path are ancient wisdoms that serve well to finding happiness.
A very steadfast man in his sixties defined happiness thus: “If equanimity is the desired baseline of living, I consider ‘happiness’ to be any emotion/feeling that rises above that baseline. Conversely ‘unhappiness’ is any feeling/emotion that is below the baseline of the desired equanimity. I consider ‘equanimity’ to be a neutral state of detachment, so in terms of life, I strive for contentment which is, in my view, more positive and joyful than pure equanimity, despite all the potential suffering that it may entail.”
About sustaining happiness, he very sensibly said that by its very nature it cannot be sustained because it is an elevation from the norm. “So, to try to sustain happiness is foolish. Contentment is more sustainable, but that too is ephemeral, but less fluctuation-prone.”
He replied the question on his happiest moment by saying “Unanswerable because happiness is so fleeting it really doesn’t register in perpetuity; because if it did, the rest of your life by definition should be less happy, and that is not something I want to focus on.” The happiest period of his life is his future – “the minutes, hours, days and years yet to come,” he optimistically said. His intention to be happy and live happily is to be content.
A younger man was cryptic in his answers supplying two sentences to my many questions. “I think you are better off asking the monks you converse with for their thoughts on happiness. Will be more informative than getting lay people’s opinions. (I disagree here. People like to know what other like persons think and feel). His second observation was: “Somewhat facetiously I can say my concept of happiness is being not answerable to anyone, being able to do exactly as I please without being tied down.” Happily unmarried he is!