Features
‘Twinkle! Twinkle! Good Sir John …’
Heard at the Club
Sir John Kotelawala, then Prime Minister visited Galle, with the members of the Airport Club, to play some tennis matches with the members of the Galle Gymkhana Club. Both teams were hosted to lunch
There was a pre-lunch session of baila and Sir John threw out a challenge to the young singers: “Let’s hear you buggers sing all the bailas you know about me!”Then the baila singers began with quite a sober note: “Dudley Senanayake langadhee resignvels,
Sir John ape Premier vuna balaganilla….”
Thereafter they ripped into every baila about Sir John, and needless to say that some of them were quite outrageous, with Sir John clapping and guffawing in gay abandon.
“Hai! Hai!! Sir John giya loka savari….”
This reminds me that after the death of Premier S. W. R. D., a Policeman at Galle sang this baila:
“Dukayi kiya dukayi kiya handai lokaya!”
Aida priyae yanna giye apa duke dama!
Ara asiyathika ratawala kathanayaka
Ma piyaneka garu Bandaranaike.”
(2) Another day, Premier Sir John, while addressing a public meeting at Galle said “If Dhanayaka tries his nonsense with me, I will devour him.”
The following day Dahanayake issued a statement to the effect “At least then Sir John will have a brain in his stomach.”
(3) When W. was MSC for Bible, he was nicknamed the “Bibile Brook” because of his capacity for long speeches and hence the comparison to Tennyson’s Brook, which declared that “men may come and men may go, but I go on forever.”
In 1945 W. spoke for 13 hours making the longest speech in the legislature. (The previous record was 11½ hours by G. G. Ponnambalam).When he continued his talk on the second day it was an open secret that Sir John had damned the Brook by getting Daha’s notes “lifted” during the lunch interval, but the Brook carried on regardless.
(4) When the newly created Air Ceylon made its inaugural flight to Madras, the then Minister of Transport Sir John invited Daha to join it. That was the only time Daha left our shores.He once protested against the rationing of textiles by the Sirimavo Government, by wearing an amude (a loin cloth) to Parliament. He was not allowed to enter the Chamber but hovered there to be photographed. Rumour had it that Sir John was about place (and true to form) was searching for a pair of scissors. Fortunately it was a non-event.
(6) Here is parodist Dahanayaka on Sir John:
“I thought I saw Bubby Akka.
Shouting “Hooi” and “Haai”
I looked again and found it was
Sir John and Chou Enali”
The former rang his bell-eke And Chou said
“Never say die!
“Under the Temple Trees
He loves to lie at ease
And turns the Premier’s post
Into a dancing host.
Come hither, come hither, come hither,
Here shall you see
No policy,
But birds of the same feather”
Twinkle! Twinkle! Good Sir John,
How you’ve fooled our fair Ceylon,
Looking young in spite of age,
When the girls at
“Temple Trees”
Crowd and dance like buzzing bees,
Then you sing your sweetest song,
Twinkle! Twinkle! All night long!
But if you care to see the woe
Of starving men who come and go,
Then you’ll sing a sadder song
And twinkle! Like a wiser John.”
In ceylon’s first Parliament, one of the six nominated Mps – singleton – Salmon was a die-hard old colonialist, and one day, in the course of a speech in the House, he was lamenting the disintegration of the Empire, of which his mother – country was the head.
“For centuries” he wailed “the sun never set on the British Empire.”
Dr. Colvin quipped “That’s because God did not trust the Britisher in the dark”.
(8) Once while making one of his long speeches in Parliament, W. Dahanayaka spoke about the plight of the poor man because of the rising price of textiles, when Singleton – Salmon interrupted with: “But the prices of sarees are coming down.”
“Yes” replied W, “and as the sarees come down sarongs go up!”
(9) Another day castigating the police, in the State Council, W. said that IGP Dowbiggin should be called PIG and not IGP, when an appointed English Member sprang to his feet and demanded indignantly “What do you mean by PIG? “Police Inspector General” replied W. urbanely.
Once when SWRD was speaking in the State Council, a member remarked that the Member for Morawaka Dr. S. A. Wickremasinghe was sleeping. SWRD quipped “Let lying dogs sleep”.
Another day Dr. S. A. Wickremasinghe, the MP Akuressa was speaking on his pet subject of irrigation, when the MP for Wattala Shelton Jayasinghe interrupted him. Dr. S.A. then said “I can impart information to the Hon. Member, but I can’t give him brains to understand it.”
Then the MP for Wattala shot back. “That is quite understandable. How can the Hon. Member part with something that he hasn’t got?” Then in good humour Dr. S.A. said “That’s a good one Shelton” and proceeded with his speech.
Another day, a member related this story. A parliamentary delegation was visiting places of interest in Moscow and was at an old church where the guide showed the delegates an organ, proudly describing it as one of the oldest and most powerful instruments, when a brash young Ceylonese MP asked him in a loud voice, “What is the horse-power?”. A deafening silence followed.
“In 1970, an Act called the Condominium Property Act No. 12 of 1970, was passed in Parliament.
The Act dealt with lands, and buildings, with more than one storey. The Bill was passed without much discussion, and Minister of Housing and Construction at the time. Pieter Kueneman, commented while moving the Third Reading that not many Members took part in the discussion, maybe because they may have been deterred by the fact that the title of the Bill began with the word “condom”.
Here is another club story. Two cyclists were travelling along Anderson Road, engaged in a lively conversation when they were suddenly copped. “I looking why you were riding double breast?” said the policeman. “Ralahamy! I was only trying to overtake my friend, we were not riding abreast”, “I know you riding double abreast, don’t try joking me” said the policeman angrily.
In the circumstances, the only salvation for the two cyclists was to plead guilty, which they did. “Ole right! This time I free. Next time both ride single breast” said the cop.
When we were young children, we were delighted to listen to the stories of Andare, the Royal Court Jester. One such was this story. One day the Queen was desirous of meeting Andare’s wife. Andare then told her that his wife was short of hearing. The Queen then said that she would speak to her as loud as she for could. Back at home, Andare told his wife that the Queen wishes to meet her, adding that she as short of hearing and to speak to her in a loud voice.
When Andare went to the palace with his wife, the Queen engaged ina conversation with her in a loud voice. It soon turned out to be a noise of disturbance with each of them raising their voices. Hearing it the king and the palace officials rushed to the scene to find out what it was all about. And, it did not take long for them to realise that it was one of Andare’s pranks at work.
Several years later, a similar scene was enacted at Galle. A club member was a tourist guide and he used to take tourists to his uncle’s well-stocked jewellery shop and his uncle would give him a percentage of any sale as commission.
As time went by, he began to suspect that his commission was less than it should be, and that his uncle was defrauding him. This suspicion gained ground because his uncle never allowed him to be present during transactions.
One day he took a wealthy tourist to the shop and told his uncle in Sinhala, that the tourist was a little deaf and that he would have to speak loudly. Earlier taking a leaf of Andare’s book, he had told the tourist that his uncle was a bit deaf and that he would have to speak loud.
As was the practice our member guide stood outside the shop while the transaction was going on, but well within hearing distance. And that day he got the correct commission from his uncle, because he knew the exact amount of money that had changed hands!