Three gutsy women who chose the less travelled road

I was totally impressed reading about a Chinese woman of 56 who, tiring of her duty- filled work as housewife in an unhappy marriage just took off on a solo trip across China that, writers about her – Joy Dong and Vivian Wang – say “challenged deep-rooted gender norms.” She spends each night alone, curled up in a four and a half by eight foot tent, balanced on stilts on the roof of her car. She has seen her daughter and grandchildren only once in the past six months, and her husband not at all. Cheers to Su Min from Hunan Province, I say, now a feminist icon to the entirety of China. And she says, she has never been happier before cutting free “this time to find myself.” Cheers again!

The solo tripper

That is certainly not the end of the story nor all about Su Min. She felt she had done all she could as dutiful Chinese woman, maybe subservient to a domineering husband too. So she is “embracing a new identity: fearless road–tripper and internet sensation. For six months, she has been solo driving across China, documenting her journey for more than 1.35 million followers across social media platforms.” More interesting than the vistas she describes are intimate details of domestic life she reveals along with her dissatisfaction that drove her to a most unconventional step taken.

Su Min grew up in Tibet and when she missed the school bus, she walked the 12 miles on mountain roads. She used to drool seeing trucks pass by and imagined herself at the wheel. In China, she took on a factory job and married and found her husband would be away from home for long spells and not tolerate her asking him questions. Physical abuse was frequent. She never considered leaving home or him, due to fearing the social stigma that would surely follow. In 2017, her daughter gave birth to twins whose care was transferred to her. Her husband cooled down but there was nothing in the marriage. She sought solace in novels and travel books, and romantic Korean soap operas but loneliness increased until finally a doctor diagnosed depression,

Then, in late 2019, she came across a video online of someone introducing their camping gear while on a solo road trip. She remembered her childhood dream of driving – the freedom and comfort it represented. She planned her trip. She had already bought herself a white hatchback Volkswagen with her savings. Her monthly pension was around $300.

When her grandsons started schooling, she decided to leave on her trip, Her family did not approve; her husband mocked her. With her daughter finally turning cooperative, she left her home in Zhengzhou on September 24, 2020, with a tent atop her car and a packed minifridge.

Millions watched the video she shared on social media, marveling at her new found freedom and doing exactly what she wanted like eating hot peppers which at home she could not, the others not sharing her taste.

She has encountered hostility, along with hosannas. Once a man asked her how she aired her family’s private affairs and said he would beat her if they met in person. She replied, “Good thing I haven’t met you.” However, it’s been more sympathy and praise that she’s received. “Older women send her messages about how painfully familiar her story feels and greet her at each destination with fruit and home-cooked meals. For the younger, she is a fount of advice about marriage and child rearing.” “Her unexpected popularity speaks to the collision of two major forces in Chinese society: the rapid spread of the internet and a flourishing awareness of gender equality in a country where traditional gender roles are still deeply rooted, especially among the older generations.”

Ms. Su’s daughter, Du Xiaoyang, who visited her in Hainan last month, said her mother was a new person.”Anything she wants to do, she just does, whereas before she seemed afraid of everything.”

She plans to travel much more for a couple of years. She does not contemplate divorce but may move away from her husband if he continues his ill-treatment of her. “Now that I’ve finally come out, I need time to let it melt away,” she said. “There are many things that, as time passes, may have an outcome you never imagined.”

Local women solo trippers

Sri Lanka is definitely short of the likes of Su Min, and if there are women who threw it all away to fulfill themselves as independent women, managing adventuring forth alone, they have not taken off with their go-ahead instincts. Several young unmarried women travel in-country and overseas but in groups and maybe pairs; women only though.

I knew a young woman who said she dreams of throwing a backpack on her shoulders and just roaming around. That was in the 1960s with hippies breaking away. She did lead a fairly free life, mostly overseas, travelling alone, but with others in Sri Lanka.

Which brings to mind two daring women who deserve our unreserved admiration. The first has undoubtedly got it; actually not enough public acclaim. The second earned censure then, but she was a trailblazer in many ways.

Jayanthi Kuru-Utumpala scales Everest

Jayanthy Kuru-Utumpala is the most prestigious of women who went their way, who was the first Lankan and one of the very few South and South East Asian and Western women to scale the Himalayas. She conquered Mt Everest on the Vesak full moon night of May 21, 2016.

From her childhood, Jayanthi’s dream had been to climb Everest, even though two decades ago it would have seemed most unlikely. On any holiday the family went, she would find a hill to climb; five times up Sri Pada. Kirigalpotha and Horton Plains.

She has a Master’s degree in Gender Studies from Sussex University and is employed in the women’s rights field. When she attended seminars overseas, she saved every penny of her stipend and went mountain climbing: the Argentine Andes and Spanish Pyrenees being high points in her adventures. At the ages of 23 and 24 she followed basic and advanced mountaineering courses which taught her skills in rock and ice climbing. Both courses culminated in her scaling a 20,000 foot Himalayan peak in Sikkim, N E India.

And then she was set to climb the mountain of all mountains. In 2011 she met Johaan Peries who shared her zeal for mountaineering and her intrepid nature. They teamed up. She told me, with gratitude obvious in her voice, how much he helped her, supported her morally which was the kind of support she needed most. He was always a good companion. Jayanthi realized her dream.

Damayanthi Dunuwila sails with one other

My second example of an intrepid woman, adventurer really, is even more daring as she set forth on a sailing trip from Colombo to Lisbon with an American millionaire in his yacht during the later part of the 1950s. You can imagine the sensation she caused and censure among conservative women of Kandyan lineage. But she went her way and all we can say is ‘good for her!’

She was in University College when offered a scholarship to the London Royal Academy of Music. She grabbed it as her lifelong love was music. Elected a Licentiate of the Royal Academy, in 1950 she won the prestigious History of Music Prize, first Asian to win it. In 1955 her father fell seriously ill and she returned home. She performed on Radio Ceylon. When her father recovered, she wanted to return to London but her scholarship had lapsed, The lucky break (to diehard conservatives the daring temptation) was her being recruited by a visiting globetrotting American millionaire to assist him write his travelogue. Having a passport to travel anywhere, she sailed with him in his yacht to Lisbon to study Portuguese history. She met engineer Sven Sahlin and they married in 1962, making their home in Sweden. Her daughter engineer Shanaz married Per Sandberg. Damayanthi was a niece of D S Senanayake and probably was the inspiration for a famous baila still sung at parties.

This to be admired woman who broke bonds of conservatism and rigid stereotyping of women then, more so those of the ‘upper class’ was a talented musician, linguist and woman who achieved her desire to return to music studies in London unconventionally, yet successfully.

An anecdote told me by a Lake House staffer of then goes thus. In the furor raised by Damayanthi’s impending trip a journo visited her home to interview her. He found it full of dignified women in Kandyan dress. He asked her what they thought of her travelling alone across the ocean with a white man. “They are welcome to think whatever they want to, I care not.” Bravo to this intrepid woman who took the less travelled road which made all the difference!