Shiranee Wickremasinghe

Shiranee, my dearest Punchi Akka passed away suddenly on March 8 this year. It was most unexpected. She had returned from a short holiday in Nuwara Eliya with her daughter Maithree, sister Radha and some close friends. Although she coaxed me to join them, I could not leave behind my ailing husband.

Akka was not in the best of health since her beloved husband Senevi (Wicks to her and all of us) passed away 31 years ago. They were so attached to each other that she found it extremely difficult to accept his death. Soon after his passing, Akka suffered a massive stroke, which left her very weak but thankfully not paralyzed. Despite all this she steadfastly carried on her duties to her one and only daughter, Maithree, and her brood of siblings.

Akka to me was an exceptional sister. She was only a little more than a year elder to me, so we were good pals in our younger days. She was always mischievous and headstrong and I found these characteristics to be great fun. She would flout all the rules and regulation set out by our stern father and I happily and obediently joined her rule breaking.

Although she was high-spirited, determined and playful when she was young, she grew up to be most dependable, dutiful and very understanding as an adult. I always felt important and safe in her presence as she took me for what I am. No critical comments about what I did or how I dressed or my temperamental nature; I was accepted by her without any judgment.

My Punchi Akka was a fantastic cook. She would try out her own self-created recipes, which would always turn out to be “hits”. Jams, chutneys and deserts were her forte. When entertaining and hosting formal meals, everything was always meticulously presented with delicate tableware and matching flower arrangements. She enjoyed this to the fullest.

Akka was a beauty – tall, fair with lovely black tresses. She always looked soft, elegant and so feminine. Immaculately dressed to suit the occasion she was a head-turner on most occasions. Once she was chosen as the Beauty Queen of the Evening at an event, held at Otter’s Club. This was during our heydays when there used to be carnivals and fairs to entertain us young people. She had even appeared in the social pages of the newspapers, which featured the best dressed.

In her early teens, Akka used to be a prolific writer. She would write captivating short stories for children, which would appear in the Sunday Observer. That paper had a section for children entitled “Wendy Hut” to which she would contribute children’s stories almost every week. She was also an avid reader. Both our parents encouraged us to read from our early years.

As a result, she had a good library of children’s books, which began with Enid Blyton’s whole range of Secret Seven, Famous Five, Naughtiest Girl and other much loved childrens’ series as well as the William Brown series. Once she outgrew them she started collecting books by Agatha Christie, Earl Hardey and Edgar Wallace and later on the Women and Home Magazine which she enjoyed for its variety of ideas for home makers.

Akka also had a very wry sense of humour and one had to be very quick witted to spot it. This too was an interesting quality of hers that I found unique. Before ill health hit her she was an avid gardener and maintained a beautifully laid out garden with a variety of flowering plants and foliage. She would always have flowers inside the house adorning the dining and the living areas, which had a welcoming effect when one stepped into the house. I found that everything around Punchi Akka was full of a delicate beauty.

Although my Punchi Akka was not well-versed in the Dhamma, she observed the five precepts to the best of her ability and accepted her lot in life without complaint. I mention this fact as she was incapacitated although not paralyzed in the latter stages of her life and found it difficult to get about without the aid of a walker and sometimes a wheel chair. She had to have carers around her constantly to help her dress and perform everyday mundane tasks. Having been such an active and fun-loving sister, it greatly saddened me to see her so helpless.

It is a rare quality in humans to be content with one’s lot, and Akka was blessed to have this quality. Every gift she received from anyone was always received with much appreciation, every little act of help or kindness was accepted with such warmth and gratitude.

Memories come flooding to my mind every time I thought I was going to conclude this little tribute. But I feel I have to include a few memories of our younger, more carefree days, which were made truly happy by you Akko. We performed so many concerts with you at the helm, with our beds pulled close to make our stage. Amma’s sarees, shoes and make up were all used as costumes to adorn ourselves.

About a year prior to her passing my sister has started to write individual letters to her daughter, son-in-law, and each and every sibling of hers, letters of farewell. The letter to me started thus: “Dearest Punchi Nangi, I have come to the end of my life…”. I had often seen her addressing all these white envelopes with our names written individually, but I had not taken it seriously. How did she know she was going to leave us so soon?

You had said in your letter to me that you’d like to have me as a sister in our next human birth. Maybe I shall get the chance to show my intense gratitude to you for being such an ideal, lovable sister that you were in this life. My dearest Punchi Akko, I really wish I had the opportunity to repay all you’ve done for me over the years. I know you must be up there somewhere among the devas, as that was your fervent wish and you worked hard to attain that goal. Your unstinting generosity towards one and all, especially the needy, from early days would surely bring forth the results you desire and anticipated.

When I think of the later years, when you were so frail and weak, I wonder how you bore it all with no complaints and with such patience. A ‘patient patient’, I would say. Daily exercises, physiotherapy, umpteen number of tablets, capsules of all sorts, doctors’ appointments over and over again, being rushed to hospitals at all odd hours would not have been pleasant. Yet you bore it up with tolerance.

This tribute to you Punchi Akko would not be complete were it to exclude your most beloved daughter Maithree and equally beloved son-in-law, Ranil. Both Maithree and Ranil were very precious to her and they in turn, made sure that her life was comfortable in every way possible. Maithree would call her every morning to see that things were running smoothly and she in turn would call her every evening – if Maithree couldn’t visit. Despite his heavy schedule of many national and international matters, Ranil never failed to turn up at Akka’s birthday parties if he were present in the island, to plant a fond kiss on her cheek.

Last but not least all your siblings, cousins and friends will miss your presences at family gatherings and parties and weddings. Your special ‘Happy Birthday Wishes’ sung together with sister Radha over the phone on their birthdays, will be forever cherished and forever missed.

Punchi Akko I shall miss you and miss you but console myself as you did not suffer at the time of your death. It was so sudden you did not struggle as some do. Has you been alive today we would have been celebrating your birthday, in full style as always. Happy Birthday my dearest Punchi Akko, until we meet again in this unending sansaric journey.

May the Noble Triple Gem bless you wherever you are.

Your loving Punchi Nangi