Muslims have oppressive traditions, but there is extraordinary love, support and connection

Yasmin Azad was among the first cohort of Muslim girls to go to University, especially to live in a residential setting away from home, which in this case was the University of Ceylon at Peradeniya.Swas born and  grew up in the Galle Fort and studied at Sacred Heart Convent till grade 10. She took Advanced Level exams while at St. Bridget’s convent, Colombo. After graduating with a degree in English, and a brief stint as a lecturer at Vidyalankara University, she left for the United States in her mid-twenties. There, she switched my field of study to counseling psychology and worked for many years as a mental health counselor.

By Zanita Careem

Your book was a reflection of your life Is it correct What do you think makes your book connect with the readers

Tolstoy is supposed to have said that there are only two kinds of stories: a person takes a journey or a stranger comes to town. And mine is a story of a person going away, both physically away from my home and also metaphorically away from some of the cultural norms that I was born to, especially as they related to a woman’s place in the world. So if you go beyond the particular details of my story, it deals with this universal theme, and I hope readers can connect with that. Perhaps some of them will ask those same questions: how much of the traditions that shaped my childhood do I want to keep and what do I want to give up so I can have a life more in keeping with who I am?

You talk through your own experience what made you to get  through this route

I did consider writing fiction, a novel, but I thought that the book would have greater impact if people saw that the story was real, and therefore the issues it brings up very important. Also, I wanted to capture for my community, especially the younger generations, a portrait of a time gone by—a historical record as it were.

The book was certainly a reflection of your life Have you ever  had the second thought of bringing your personal life  for the second time

Yes, I absolutely struggled with the question of how much of the personal history, especially as it relates to my father, I should put out into the world. But, as I said earlier I thought it important that the reader know it was a true story. I waited till almost all of that generation, were no longer living so that they would not be directly impacted. And also, I did my best to portray the people involved with understanding and compassion. Many, many readers have told me that the impression they have of my father is that of a very generous and loving person, who, like all human beings, had his failings. Failings which we all have, one way or another. Had I portrayed saintly people, no one would have believed me, and in addition, it would have made for very dull reading.

What is the message you want to convey through this book

One of the things I hope the reader will understand is that Muslim societies are more diverse and complex than the stereotypical portraits that are tossed around. Yes, there are some very oppressive traditions, but there is also extraordinary love, support and connection. At a most fundamental level, loving families are the same everywhere; parents will often bend the rules for the sake of the children they love.

What motivated you to write on this subject

This is connected to your previous question and I will respond to both at length. Some years after I had started working as a mental health counselor, I began to see that many people here in the USA lived isolated lives without family or community. The cost of that can be very high. Individuals who struggle with mental health and other social issues, do better when they have support from people they are connected to. That made me look back on the close-knit Muslim community that I had left behind in the Galle Fort, in Sri Lanka. I began to appreciate as I had not done before, the network of supports from the extended family that is part of our way of life. I believe that while there are things that need to change, especially as it relates to women, there are also some very valuable traditions that should be preserved. I want people to see that. I wanted to portray Muslim society in all its complexity.

Apart from writing what else are your other interests

Like most writers, I read, I am also an avid gardener and of course I love to spend time with family and friends.

Was being an author always in your bucket

I was a book loving child and dreamt of writing a book myself from the time I was very young.

What were the hurdles you faced when writing the book

As I said before, I really struggled with the question of how much to reveal about my family, and whether what I was doing in writing such a book at all, was the right thing to do.

But beyond that, like many writer’s. I experienced self-doubt— that inner critic that tells you the writing is not good enough, the book isn’t worthy of being published, etc. I took classes on the art and craft of writing to try to overcome this.

What values did the book create to outside world; what are the best takeaways for the reader

As most people know, much has changed among Muslims in the last few decades. There has been an unfortunate resurgence of fundamentalism and large sections of the population have turned inwards, separating themselves from people and customs which they perceive as not Islamic.—visibly presenting themselves as being different. This is not how what it was when I was growing up. We were a much more liberal and tolerant society and I have always wanted to know why this change took place. I am well aware that international and local political movements have contributed to this situation, but I have also wondered whether this turning inwards has its roots in some inner dynamics: whether it is also the reaction of a traditional society feeling threatened by the forces of modernity—the changes that come about when women get educated and become economically independent. In recent times, there has been a significant increase in the divorce rate, and just anecdotally, I’ve seen that women just don’t have the time anymore to maintain the strong extended family ties that used to be our way of life: for example, the very frequent interactions people used to have with visits, communal gatherings, etc. And that can understandably seem very threatening to a bedrock principle of Muslim culture which is the maintaining of kinship ties I recall an elderly lady telling me that these days, the only relatives children really know are their first cousins! So the takeaway for the reader that I hope for, is that he or she will see this issue of fundamentalism as not just about rigidity and regression. It could also be about the tension that arises when a conservative community, while adjusting to the modern world, also struggles to preserve what they rightly value in their own way of life.

What chapter do you like most in the book 

It’s the chapter where I write about how my mother (who was taken out of school after the third grade) collects the pieces of newspaper that came to the house in the form of wrapping paper, so that she would have something to read. Sometimes the stories were torn right in the middle of the most interesting part and she would wait to see if the missing section would come later. She said it never did. I think of that as a symbol of the experience of Muslim women whose prospects were severely limited.

Any more writings in the future

I have some essays I want to write about, on topics such as mental health, relationships, etc. I will be working on them for a while before they are ready.

The book is available at: Sarasavi, Barefoot, Urban Island @ Dharmapala Mawatha, Exprographics @ Battaramulla, Pendi@ Lakpahana, Kalaya at Battaramulla, Jam Fruit Tree Bookshop at Colpetty, Cargills Majestic City, Milk @ Horton Place, Rohan at Liberty Plaza, Online at daraz, books.lk, scribit, booksie.lk, Perera Hussein.com