Features
Heard at the club
Part IV
As all cinema – goers in Sri Lanka know, the gallery is known as “The Gallows”. Long years ago, one Saturday night at a popular cinema, the gallery was full of undergrads who had gathered there after a cricket match.
They were in high spirits and the usual friendly insults were being flung hither and thither, good natured banter and all good fun.
Suddenly there was a diversion. All necks were craned back at the Dress Circle, as who should walk in but Pieter Keuneman, the idol of the young intellectuals of that period.
As he walked to his seat, an irreverent undergrad from the Gallery yelled? “Hey! Comrade Pieter, why don’t you come to the Gallows with the masses?”
With that charmed, smile on his face, Pieter, the falmour boy of local politics, waited for the laughter to subside. Then: “Comrade” he replied, in his impeccably beautiful Cambridge accent. “I shall go to the gallows FOR the masses, but not WITH the masses.”
***
“The late B. P. Pieris, former Secretary to the Cabinet, was driving to a party one evening, when he had to stop at the Kollupitiya traffic-lights. When the light turned green, B.P. accidentally put his car on its reverse gear, and rammed into the car behind him.
The driver of the second car came rushing out, yelling imprecations at B.P., and demanding that B.P. accompany him to the Kollupitiya police station.
“Look, my dear chap”, said B.P. soothingly, “all that will take a lot of time. Can’t we settle this right here and now?”
But the other would not hear of it, insisting that B.P. go along with him to the cop-shop.
At last B.P. began to get a little angry.
“Look here, my man, remember it will be your word against mine. And suppose I were to say that you rammed me from behind, won’t the police accept that as the more plausible story?”
The other driver now began to look a little doubtful, and pressed his advantage B.P. identified himself, gave the man his card, and said, “Get your car repaired and send me the bill.”
***
A member of the club and his flat-mate, also a Sri Lankan, has stepped out of a suburban London train into the biting cold. The member had commented to his friend in Sinhala “Machan Adiyak Athanm Maru” (“Fine time for a drink)”. And to their astonishment a passing porter had said “Arakku nam thavath maru!” (“Still better if it’s arrack)”. Apparently, the man had served here.
***
This member also said that he was staying at a hotel in Madras with another Sri Lankan, and one night at their rice and curry dinner, he had commented to his friend very sarcastically,” Machan! Gull vala bath”.)
(“There is rice in the stones! Mahattaya, buth vala gull!”. (“There are stones in the rice)”.
A drunk got up one morning and found 42 mosquitoes around his bed, all dead of alcoholic poisoning”.
A truly henpecked husband is a man who needs his wife’s permission, even to commit suicide.
The festive season was at its height and every hotel in this town was full. And, these two men, total strangers to each other, were compelled to share the same room. That evening, one of them, having to attend a formal dinner, was getting dressed.
Holding up his necktie, he said apologetically to his roommate, “my wife always knotted my tie for me, so I wonder if you could oblige….?”
“Certainly,” replied the other cordially.” Just lie flat on your back on the bed”.
Rather puzzled, he did so as he was bid, and learning over him, the tie was knotted. “My wife couldn’t have done it better. But why did you ask me to lie down to do it?”
“You see, that’s the only way I’m used to doing it for others. I am an undertaker.”
***
William (that is not real name) was the barkeeper at a popular club, and lavish tips plus little tricks of the trade, had flattened his bank account in a considerable manner, making him greedy, vain and ambitious.
So, when he heard that his charming daughter Ruvani was having a clandestine love affair with the newly appointed Grama Sevaka of the area, he nearly blew his top. His daughter married an insignificant Grama Sevaka? He’d see her dead first?
One day, during a slack hour, a palm-reader dropped in at the club, and offered to give William a free reading.
(He had been sent by William’s daughter and was well briefed). Naturally he said some astounding things about William’s daughter and was well briefed). Naturally he said some astounding things about William’s past, and having won the unquestioning confidence of his “client”, the palmist went on to say “Almost a month ago, your life entered its best period and fame and riches are in store for you. She is going to marry a man of his choice, and the couple will go from strength to strength. You are a vain and ambitious man, and you will be making the biggest mistake of your life, if you stand in their way. For, this marriage is going to bring YOU, the girl’s father, a lot of luck!”
Not many days after this “reading” the young Grama Sevaka shifted his office to William’s house!
***
During the Sinhala New Year, a club member visited a friend of his.
After a little conversation he called out to his wife, Darlo! Bring my friend a cool drink”, adding after a pause, “one to four”.
While they were chatting with the member sipping his cool drink, a sarong clad person arrived, and after a very respectful “salaam” the man sat on the step. He spoke quite kindly to the man, and once again called out to his wife.
“Darlo! Bring another cool drink. One to six”.
The club member was quite intrigued with all this, and after the sarong–clad man had gone, the member asked his friend whether he was placing bets with his wife or something.
“No, no” laughed his friend, who had a reputation as a miser. “You see, your drink was one part cordial to four parts of water – quite rich and tasty, while the man’s drink was a little more diluted. That fellow is just one of my labourers.”
***
This happened at a time (like today), when there was a serious shortage of kerosene oil in the country. There was a rumour that a certain government store-keeper was exploiting the situation by siphoning his stocks of kerosene oil into the black market, and some jealous colleagues of his tipped off their bosses about it.
There was a surprise check, but no shortage in the stocks was found.
What the ingenious store-keeper had done was quite simple. He had attached a length of rubber bicycle tube sealed at one end to the aperture in each of the barrels from inside, filling the tubes with kerosene oil, and when the calibrator (a foot ruler like thing) with a series of markings indicating the quantity of oil in each barrel was inserted into the kerosene filled bicycle tubes, the readings tallied with the store-keeper’s stock books, while actually the barrels were empty.
***
“Love is blind” said a lunatic to his cell-mate.
“Who said so?” asked the other.
“God did”.
“Rubbish” said a voice from the adjoining cell.
“I never did.”
***
A devotee who visited a temple, found that his new pair of shoes had been pinched. S, he bought a new pair and on his next visit to the temple, left a note in one shoe.
“I am a Karate Black Belt” it said.
On his return he found his shoes missing and a note from the thief.” Not to worry, I am a champion runner.”
***
One day a club member related these gaffes of a teacher. During the Hartal violence of August 1953, a Central School was completely gutted. The following day there was a headline in a newspaper: “Central School burnt down! Arson suspected.”
The above teacher exclaimed “Arson must be a bloody Communist”.
***
One day he went to see a cricket match, where the incompetent wicket-keeper conceded many extras.
Looking at the scoreboard he had said “I say” that fellow Extras seems to be batting very well!”
***
This teacher lived in a house behind the Galkissa Cemetery. When a colleague of his asked where he lived, he had said “I live behind the funeral”.
***
One day, he went Christmas shopping with his pretty daughter. She was heavily laden with many parcels and as she followed in her father’s wake, she stumbled and narrowly avoided a fall.
“Father! I lost my balance”.
“I told you to be careful” he told her irately.
“There are pick-pockets all over the town these days”.
“How much did you lose?”
***
It was a society wedding at the Galle Face Hotel and this teacher too attended it in his usual national dress.
The following day he told the class, “All the people were well dressed and only I was in the national dress. Aiya! Boys, I felt like a bloody cat out of the bag”.
One day a tourist asked him “How far is that place?” pointing to the distant lights of Colombo.
“It is about seven miles by road. But only three miles as the cock crows!”
***
In 1954 when there was a total solar eclipse, some students went to Hingurakgoda, which was supposed to be a good place to view it.
The following day when he went to his class, he had said, “I hear that some of you went to see the cyclops!”
***
One day he told the class, “You know boys, I come from a good family. My eldest brother is a top doctor and very rich. My second brother is a leading Lawyer also very rich. And, I am only a poor teacher and the black dog in the family!”
***
One day he wnt to see a friend who had a ferocious-looking Alsatian dog. So, he asked his friend “I say! Is the dog eatable?”.
by Dr Gotabhya Ranasinghe
Senior Consultant Cardiologist
National Hospital Sri Lanka
When we sought a meeting with Hon Dr. Ramesh Pathirana, Minister of Health, he graciously cleared his busy schedule to accommodate us. Renowned for his attentive listening and deep understanding, Minister Pathirana is dedicated to advancing the health sector. His openness and transparency exemplify the qualities of an exemplary politician and minister.
Dr. Palitha Mahipala, the current Health Secretary, demonstrates both commendable enthusiasm and unwavering support. This combination of attributes makes him a highly compatible colleague for the esteemed Minister of Health.
Our discussion centered on a project that has been in the works for the past 30 years, one that no other minister had managed to advance.
Minister Pathirana, however, recognized the project’s significance and its potential to revolutionize care for heart patients.
The project involves the construction of a state-of-the-art facility at the premises of the National Hospital Colombo. The project’s location within the premises of the National Hospital underscores its importance and relevance to the healthcare infrastructure of the nation.
This facility will include a cardiology building and a tertiary care center, equipped with the latest technology to handle and treat all types of heart-related conditions and surgeries.
Securing funding was a major milestone for this initiative. Minister Pathirana successfully obtained approval for a $40 billion loan from the Asian Development Bank. With the funding in place, the foundation stone is scheduled to be laid in September this year, and construction will begin in January 2025.
This project guarantees a consistent and uninterrupted supply of stents and related medications for heart patients. As a result, patients will have timely access to essential medical supplies during their treatment and recovery. By securing these critical resources, the project aims to enhance patient outcomes, minimize treatment delays, and maintain the highest standards of cardiac care.
Upon its fruition, this monumental building will serve as a beacon of hope and healing, symbolizing the unwavering dedication to improving patient outcomes and fostering a healthier society.We anticipate a future marked by significant progress and positive outcomes in Sri Lanka’s cardiovascular treatment landscape within the foreseeable timeframe.
by Fr. Emmanuel Fernando, OMI
Jesuit Fr. Aloysius Pieris (affectionately called Fr. Aloy) celebrated his 90th birthday on April 9, 2024 and I, as the editor of our Oblate Journal, THE MISSIONARY OBLATE had gone to press by that time. Immediately I decided to publish an article, appreciating the untiring selfless services he continues to offer for inter-Faith dialogue, the renewal of the Catholic Church, his concern for the poor and the suffering Sri Lankan masses and to me, the present writer.
It was in 1988, when I was appointed Director of the Oblate Scholastics at Ampitiya by the then Oblate Provincial Fr. Anselm Silva, that I came to know Fr. Aloy more closely. Knowing well his expertise in matters spiritual, theological, Indological and pastoral, and with the collaborative spirit of my companion-formators, our Oblate Scholastics were sent to Tulana, the Research and Encounter Centre, Kelaniya, of which he is the Founder-Director, for ‘exposure-programmes’ on matters spiritual, biblical, theological and pastoral. Some of these dimensions according to my view and that of my companion-formators, were not available at the National Seminary, Ampitiya.
Ever since that time, our Oblate formators/ accompaniers at the Oblate Scholasticate, Ampitiya , have continued to send our Oblate Scholastics to Tulana Centre for deepening their insights and convictions regarding matters needed to serve the people in today’s context. Fr. Aloy also had tried very enthusiastically with the Oblate team headed by Frs. Oswald Firth and Clement Waidyasekara to begin a Theologate, directed by the Religious Congregations in Sri Lanka, for the contextual formation/ accompaniment of their members. It should very well be a desired goal of the Leaders / Provincials of the Religious Congregations.
Besides being a formator/accompanier at the Oblate Scholasticate, I was entrusted also with the task of editing and publishing our Oblate journal, ‘The Missionary Oblate’. To maintain the quality of the journal I continue to depend on Fr. Aloy for his thought-provoking and stimulating articles on Biblical Spirituality, Biblical Theology and Ecclesiology. I am very grateful to him for his generous assistance. Of late, his writings on renewal of the Church, initiated by Pope St. John XX111 and continued by Pope Francis through the Synodal path, published in our Oblate journal, enable our readers to focus their attention also on the needed renewal in the Catholic Church in Sri Lanka. Fr. Aloy appreciated very much the Synodal path adopted by the Jesuit Pope Francis for the renewal of the Church, rooted very much on prayerful discernment. In my Religious and presbyteral life, Fr.Aloy continues to be my spiritual animator / guide and ongoing formator / acccompanier.
Fr. Aloysius Pieris, BA Hons (Lond), LPh (SHC, India), STL (PFT, Naples), PhD (SLU/VC), ThD (Tilburg), D.Ltt (KU), has been one of the eminent Asian theologians well recognized internationally and one who has lectured and held visiting chairs in many universities both in the West and in the East. Many members of Religious Congregations from Asian countries have benefited from his lectures and guidance in the East Asian Pastoral Institute (EAPI) in Manila, Philippines. He had been a Theologian consulted by the Federation of Asian Bishops’ Conferences for many years. During his professorship at the Gregorian University in Rome, he was called to be a member of a special group of advisers on other religions consulted by Pope Paul VI.
Fr. Aloy is the author of more than 30 books and well over 500 Research Papers. Some of his books and articles have been translated and published in several countries. Among those books, one can find the following: 1) The Genesis of an Asian Theology of Liberation (An Autobiographical Excursus on the Art of Theologising in Asia, 2) An Asian Theology of Liberation, 3) Providential Timeliness of Vatican 11 (a long-overdue halt to a scandalous millennium, 4) Give Vatican 11 a chance, 5) Leadership in the Church, 6) Relishing our faith in working for justice (Themes for study and discussion), 7) A Message meant mainly, not exclusively for Jesuits (Background information necessary for helping Francis renew the Church), 8) Lent in Lanka (Reflections and Resolutions, 9) Love meets wisdom (A Christian Experience of Buddhism, 10) Fire and Water 11) God’s Reign for God’s poor, 12) Our Unhiddden Agenda (How we Jesuits work, pray and form our men). He is also the Editor of two journals, Vagdevi, Journal of Religious Reflection and Dialogue, New Series.
Fr. Aloy has a BA in Pali and Sanskrit from the University of London and a Ph.D in Buddhist Philosophy from the University of Sri Lankan, Vidyodaya Campus. On Nov. 23, 2019, he was awarded the prestigious honorary Doctorate of Literature (D.Litt) by the Chancellor of the University of Kelaniya, the Most Venerable Welamitiyawe Dharmakirthi Sri Kusala Dhamma Thera.
Fr. Aloy continues to be a promoter of Gospel values and virtues. Justice as a constitutive dimension of love and social concern for the downtrodden masses are very much noted in his life and work. He had very much appreciated the commitment of the late Fr. Joseph (Joe) Fernando, the National Director of the Social and Economic Centre (SEDEC) for the poor.
In Sri Lanka, a few religious Congregations – the Good Shepherd Sisters, the Christian Brothers, the Marist Brothers and the Oblates – have invited him to animate their members especially during their Provincial Congresses, Chapters and International Conferences. The mainline Christian Churches also have sought his advice and followed his seminars. I, for one, regret very much, that the Sri Lankan authorities of the Catholic Church –today’s Hierarchy—- have not sought Fr.
Aloy’s expertise for the renewal of the Catholic Church in Sri Lanka and thus have not benefited from the immense store of wisdom and insight that he can offer to our local Church while the Sri Lankan bishops who governed the Catholic church in the immediate aftermath of the Second Vatican Council (Edmund Fernando OMI, Anthony de Saram, Leo Nanayakkara OSB, Frank Marcus Fernando, Paul Perera,) visited him and consulted him on many matters. Among the Tamil Bishops, Bishop Rayappu Joseph was keeping close contact with him and Bishop J. Deogupillai hosted him and his team visiting him after the horrible Black July massacre of Tamils.
Sri Lanka-Singapore Free Trade Agreement
By Gomi Senadhira
senadhiragomi@gmail.com
“You might tell fairy tales, but the progress of a country cannot be achieved through such narratives. A country cannot be developed by making false promises. The country moved backward because of the electoral promises made by political parties throughout time. We have witnessed that the ultimate result of this is the country becoming bankrupt. Unfortunately, many segments of the population have not come to realize this yet.” – President Ranil Wickremesinghe, 2024 Budget speech
Any Sri Lankan would agree with the above words of President Wickremesinghe on the false promises our politicians and officials make and the fairy tales they narrate which bankrupted this country. So, to understand this, let’s look at one such fairy tale with lots of false promises; Ranil Wickremesinghe’s greatest achievement in the area of international trade and investment promotion during the Yahapalana period, Sri Lanka-Singapore Free Trade Agreement (SLSFTA).
It is appropriate and timely to do it now as Finance Minister Wickremesinghe has just presented to parliament a bill on the National Policy on Economic Transformation which includes the establishment of an Office for International Trade and the Sri Lanka Institute of Economics and International Trade.
Was SLSFTA a “Cleverly negotiated Free Trade Agreement” as stated by the (former) Minister of Development Strategies and International Trade Malik Samarawickrama during the Parliamentary Debate on the SLSFTA in July 2018, or a colossal blunder covered up with lies, false promises, and fairy tales? After SLSFTA was signed there were a number of fairy tales published on this agreement by the Ministry of Development Strategies and International, Institute of Policy Studies, and others.
However, for this article, I would like to limit my comments to the speech by Minister Samarawickrama during the Parliamentary Debate, and the two most important areas in the agreement which were covered up with lies, fairy tales, and false promises, namely: revenue loss for Sri Lanka and Investment from Singapore. On the other important area, “Waste products dumping” I do not want to comment here as I have written extensively on the issue.
1. The revenue loss
During the Parliamentary Debate in July 2018, Minister Samarawickrama stated “…. let me reiterate that this FTA with Singapore has been very cleverly negotiated by us…. The liberalisation programme under this FTA has been carefully designed to have the least impact on domestic industry and revenue collection. We have included all revenue sensitive items in the negative list of items which will not be subject to removal of tariff. Therefore, 97.8% revenue from Customs duty is protected. Our tariff liberalisation will take place over a period of 12-15 years! In fact, the revenue earned through tariffs on goods imported from Singapore last year was Rs. 35 billion.
The revenue loss for over the next 15 years due to the FTA is only Rs. 733 million– which when annualised, on average, is just Rs. 51 million. That is just 0.14% per year! So anyone who claims the Singapore FTA causes revenue loss to the Government cannot do basic arithmetic! Mr. Speaker, in conclusion, I call on my fellow members of this House – don’t mislead the public with baseless criticism that is not grounded in facts. Don’t look at petty politics and use these issues for your own political survival.”
I was surprised to read the minister’s speech because an article published in January 2018 in “The Straits Times“, based on information released by the Singaporean Negotiators stated, “…. With the FTA, tariff savings for Singapore exports are estimated to hit $10 million annually“.
As the annual tariff savings (that is the revenue loss for Sri Lanka) calculated by the Singaporean Negotiators, Singaporean $ 10 million (Sri Lankan rupees 1,200 million in 2018) was way above the rupees’ 733 million revenue loss for 15 years estimated by the Sri Lankan negotiators, it was clear to any observer that one of the parties to the agreement had not done the basic arithmetic!
Six years later, according to a report published by “The Morning” newspaper, speaking at the Committee on Public Finance (COPF) on 7th May 2024, Mr Samarawickrama’s chief trade negotiator K.J. Weerasinghehad had admitted “…. that forecasted revenue loss for the Government of Sri Lanka through the Singapore FTA is Rs. 450 million in 2023 and Rs. 1.3 billion in 2024.”
If these numbers are correct, as tariff liberalisation under the SLSFTA has just started, we will pass Rs 2 billion very soon. Then, the question is how Sri Lanka’s trade negotiators made such a colossal blunder. Didn’t they do their basic arithmetic? If they didn’t know how to do basic arithmetic they should have at least done their basic readings. For example, the headline of the article published in The Straits Times in January 2018 was “Singapore, Sri Lanka sign FTA, annual savings of $10m expected”.
Anyway, as Sri Lanka’s chief negotiator reiterated at the COPF meeting that “…. since 99% of the tariffs in Singapore have zero rates of duty, Sri Lanka has agreed on 80% tariff liberalisation over a period of 15 years while expecting Singapore investments to address the imbalance in trade,” let’s turn towards investment.
Investment from Singapore
In July 2018, speaking during the Parliamentary Debate on the FTA this is what Minister Malik Samarawickrama stated on investment from Singapore, “Already, thanks to this FTA, in just the past two-and-a-half months since the agreement came into effect we have received a proposal from Singapore for investment amounting to $ 14.8 billion in an oil refinery for export of petroleum products. In addition, we have proposals for a steel manufacturing plant for exports ($ 1 billion investment), flour milling plant ($ 50 million), sugar refinery ($ 200 million). This adds up to more than $ 16.05 billion in the pipeline on these projects alone.
And all of these projects will create thousands of more jobs for our people. In principle approval has already been granted by the BOI and the investors are awaiting the release of land the environmental approvals to commence the project.
I request the Opposition and those with vested interests to change their narrow-minded thinking and join us to develop our country. We must always look at what is best for the whole community, not just the few who may oppose. We owe it to our people to courageously take decisions that will change their lives for the better.”
According to the media report I quoted earlier, speaking at the Committee on Public Finance (COPF) Chief Negotiator Weerasinghe has admitted that Sri Lanka was not happy with overall Singapore investments that have come in the past few years in return for the trade liberalisation under the Singapore-Sri Lanka Free Trade Agreement. He has added that between 2021 and 2023 the total investment from Singapore had been around $162 million!
What happened to those projects worth $16 billion negotiated, thanks to the SLSFTA, in just the two-and-a-half months after the agreement came into effect and approved by the BOI? I do not know about the steel manufacturing plant for exports ($ 1 billion investment), flour milling plant ($ 50 million) and sugar refinery ($ 200 million).
However, story of the multibillion-dollar investment in the Petroleum Refinery unfolded in a manner that would qualify it as the best fairy tale with false promises presented by our politicians and the officials, prior to 2019 elections.
Though many Sri Lankans got to know, through the media which repeatedly highlighted a plethora of issues surrounding the project and the questionable credentials of the Singaporean investor, the construction work on the Mirrijiwela Oil Refinery along with the cement factory began on the24th of March 2019 with a bang and Minister Ranil Wickremesinghe and his ministers along with the foreign and local dignitaries laid the foundation stones.
That was few months before the 2019 Presidential elections. Inaugurating the construction work Prime Minister Ranil Wickremesinghe said the projects will create thousands of job opportunities in the area and surrounding districts.
The oil refinery, which was to be built over 200 acres of land, with the capacity to refine 200,000 barrels of crude oil per day, was to generate US$7 billion of exports and create 1,500 direct and 3,000 indirect jobs. The construction of the refinery was to be completed in 44 months. Four years later, in August 2023 the Cabinet of Ministers approved the proposal presented by President Ranil Wickremesinghe to cancel the agreement with the investors of the refinery as the project has not been implemented! Can they explain to the country how much money was wasted to produce that fairy tale?
It is obvious that the President, ministers, and officials had made huge blunders and had deliberately misled the public and the parliament on the revenue loss and potential investment from SLSFTA with fairy tales and false promises.
As the president himself said, a country cannot be developed by making false promises or with fairy tales and these false promises and fairy tales had bankrupted the country. “Unfortunately, many segments of the population have not come to realize this yet”.
(The writer, a specialist and an activist on trade and development issues . )
US sports envoys to Lanka to champion youth development
Rahuman questions sudden cancellation of leave of CEB employees
