Features
Gratitude
I am sure I am correct when I surmise that the prevalent mood of most Lankans is one of disappointment, frustration, hopelessness, even alarm. This in spite of the Christmas spirit of conviviality and good cheer. There definitely is a juxtaposition of sunshine mood against one of gloom and doom. We look at the approach of 2024 with caution and worry. You know the cause, I need not spell it out. Thus I hit on the idea of a spirit, attitude, feeling that is opposite. I concluded it was gratitude and remembering good things and people and being grateful.
A good omen appeared soon after I decided on my topic late evening of the poya day. I tuned into a YouTube to listen to a young monk, very probably Sinhala but speaking with a distinct accent – Brit-like. And he announced his topic for his short talk was gratitude. His definition was “The ability to remember.” I add: followed by acknowledgment, appreciation and gratitude. He said be grateful for anything, even negatives in life since they teach you to appreciate the positives and of course followed by feelings of gratitude.
A story of goodness evoking gratitude for life
The next morning when I was preparing to sit down to word process my article, my weekly help arrived. Rupa is slightly hard of hearing so a loud talker. She bursts into the house with a tale, mostly of woe but included in her repertoire are ones of intrigue, ghosts and the mystic too. She wakens up the quiet flat and when she leaves it is spick and span. Her talk this Wednesday was remembering an incident and before boarding her train, she said she went to a temple en route, swept the ground near the Bodhiya, cleared the old flowers and placed fresh ones.
She said that two years previous on this date when returning home after working in a home, the van she was in turned turtle, being overloaded. This was just past the Eye Hospital junction. It was righted and she lay in the aisle unable to get up. People left the van when it was upturned and righted. No one came to her aid. Then a passing young man saw her through a window and entered the van. He addressed her as Amma and carrying her, hired a three wheeler and took her to the General Hospital.
Once she was attended to he rang the person whose house she had cleaned; and her son. She wanted to give the Good Samaritan money but he refused and cautioned her to be careful of her handbag and jewellery she wore. He employer arrived and also her son. He got the young man’s name, address and telephone number from the hospital police desk, but phoning, found he had given false info, probably not wanting to be involved in a court case. Her gratitude she expresses often but most definitely by cleaning the ‘maluwa’ of a temple on the date when a stranger helped so much, maybe saved her life.
A bus incident of mine of more than three decades ago comes to mind among all the instances of gratitude I felt/feel. I had a stiff tiff with husband and decided to go spend the weekend in Kandy at my sister’s home. Got into an Intercity bus and then felt overwhelmed with self-pity mostly. Looked out the window but tears welled and some sploshed down. A middle-aged woman was seated next to me. She leaned towards me and said softly but ever so kindly in Sinhala: “You are sad. Why?” I did the dirty. Made out my sister in Kandy was in hospital, awaiting surgery. The woman said: “Do not worry. She will be alright. You must look after yourself, traveling alone. Sleep a bit.” Her voice still reverberates in my hearing mind, so full of genuine concern. I felt deep gratitude to her then and still feel that wonderful emotion of appreciating her.
Gratitude in the Dhamma
I know the Buddha placed almost as much emphasis on developing and practicing gratitude as on the four Brahama Vihares of metta, karauna, muditha, uppeka. I however decided to contact Ven Vajiraramaye Nanasiha Thera for information. I quote him almost verbatim.
The first lesson taught by the Buddha was gratitude. After enlightenment he spent the first week reflecting on what he discovered under the Bodhi tree when gaining enlightenment, more particularly the paticca samuppada Dhamma (dependent origination). The second week the Buddha stood in front of the Bodhi tree gazing in gratitude for giving him shade during his quest for the truth of samsaric existence, and to overcome it.
A very poor man once offered a morsel of food to Venerable Sariputta Maha Thera when on his alms round. It so happened that later in life that poor man wanted to get ordained. He came to the Buddha and mentioned his wish. The Buddha then addressed the sangha and enquired whether any bhikkhu remembered the man. Ven Sariputta rose and narrated his meeting and being offered dané by him. The Buddha requested Ven Sariputta to ordain him, through gratitude. Ven Sariputta himself when nearing his death went to his mother – a high caste Brahmin Hindu – to make her understand the Dhamma, due to gratitude he felt towards her for permitting his ordination.
The entire sasana is one of gratitude, Ven Nanasiha reminds us: offering flowers and incense, lighting lamps on behalf of the Buddha in order to show Him our gratitude for giving us the path to follow to achieve final deliverance.
Gratitude in ordinary life
Gratitude is such an easy to feel emotion. Like smiling exercises less muscles than scowling. Its chief benefit is to the giver as it makes for inner happiness. Even externally one benefits as this feeling of giving something lightens the body and makes for relaxation of muscles et al.
Thinking good thoughts of another, feeling kindly towards another reduces self- centredness and self-absorption. Thus the feeling of selfishness is reduced when gratitude is felt; selfishness being energy wasting and happiness disrupting.
I will resist preaching. Test it for yourself. We are advised that even when at the receiving end of abuse, insult, injustice; turning one’s thoughts of resentment, anger, frustration to gratitude will ease the situation completely. Give gratitude to the abuser, insulter for teaching patience and inculcating good thoughts in you. S/He will suffer consequences; don’t you suffer further.
Even as I write, I wonder how to be grateful for higher taxes and more difficult existence in 2024. Also buttressed by the idea that while we suffer, some high-ups live so well off government money. We cannot feel gratitude to those who misgoverned and now place heavier burdens on us. No gratitude to them. We need not spend time and energy on thinking and disapproving of them. Substitute with good thoughts. Gratitude extended to the country with its variety of beauty and resources; to one’s religion and its teachers; to all in one’s own family and circle, to the providers of our food, service givers. There really is no end to those to whom gratitude is due and to be extended.
Mahatma Gandhi said: “Relationships are based on four principles: respect, acceptance, understanding and appreciation.” Appreciation extended means gratitude, I add. Let’s hope we swap better emotions for negatives in the New Year. Best to you in 2024!