Good for a chuckle !

In these tense and troubling times, it may help to relieve tension by indulging in a little levity. This is for those who (like me), enjoy something between a belly laugh or a polite chuckle.Dan Quale, former Vice Presidential candidate and undisputed master of malapropisms has made these celebrated remarks:

“We are ready for any unforeseen event, that may or may not occur.”

“It is wonderful to be here, in the Great State of Chicago”

“”I was recently in Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school, so that I could converse with those people.”

“The loss of life will be irreplaceable” (on the San Francisco earthquake.)

“When I have been asked, during these last few weeks, who caused the riots and the killings in LA.? My answer has been direct and simple. Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.”

“Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.”

” It isn’t pollution that is harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”.

“What a waste it is to lose one’s mind, or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.”

“I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.” (Phoenix is in Arizona.)

“I stand by all the mis-statements I’ve made.”

“China is a very big country, inhabited by many Chinese.” Former French President Charles De Gaulle.

“That low down scoundrel deserved to be kicked to death by a Jackass, and I am just the one to do it.”

A Congressional candidate in Texas.

“If he stops telling lies about me, I will not tell the truth about him,” a State candidate about his rival.

“It is necessary for me to establish a winning image. Therefore I have to beat somebody.”

Richard M Nixon, US ex-President.

“Smoking kills, and if you are killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life .”

Anti-smoking spokesperson Brooke Shields.

“The Police are not here to create disorder, they are here to preserve disorder.”

Mayor Daley of Chicago , during the infamous Convention of 1968.

Q: “Madam Prime, are you a fancier of Antiques?

A; “Indeed I am, I have a Cabinet full of them”.

Mrs Margaret Thatcher, British P.M.

“If you’ve seen one Redwood Tree, you’ve seen them all,”

Forestry Expert, Ronald Reagan.

“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.”

Former Australian Cabinet Minister Keppel Enderbery.

“The Streets are safe in Philadelphia. It’s only the people that make them unsafe.”

Former Mayor and Police Chief, Frank Rizzo.

“It is bad luck to be superstitious.”

Andrew Mathis.

“He was a man of great statue.”

Boston Mayor Menino, on former Mayor John Collins.

“The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.”

Clinton aide Stephanopoulos on a TV Programme.

“We are going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”

John Kidd, upon drafting to the Dallas Mavericks, Baseball Team.

“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are The President.”

Hillary Clinton, on the release of some White House papers.

“When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.”

Former US President Calvin Coolidge.

“Things are like they are now, than they were ever before.’

Former US President, Dwight D Eisenhower.

“A billion here and a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money”

Everton Dirksen.

“A verbal contract is not worth the paper it’s written on.”

Samuel Goldwyn.

“I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them, There were great number of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.”

John Wayne.

“And they came with the book (The Bible) and we had the land. They said to us to close our eyes and pray. We did, and when we opened our eyes, we had the book and they had the Land.”

A commentator on the history of Africa.

” Half the game is ninety percent mental.”

Philadelphia manager Danny Ozark.

“Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.”

General William Westmorland.

” If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet.”

Former UK Foreign Ministar Ernest Bevin.

Originality is only undetected plagiarism.

Dr Upatissa Pethiyagoda.