Dr Sarojini Perera: It’s two long years since she left us

By Dr B. J. C. Perera

Two years is perhaps a long time. But in stark reality, it was a long drawn out as well as an intensely painful and indescribably dreary two years, since the 6th of December 2019 when my much-cherished wife left us forever.

I do realise that specific words are yet to be invented, which would be large enough, colourful enough or true enough, to express the intricacies of the qualities of this lady, Dr Sarojini Perera, whom I loved so much and still do. It is virtually an impossible task to eulogise to capture in words, the fantastic details of her life. As for me, it would simply have to be an overflow from a very grateful heart, with an entirely new dimension epitomised by those very same words. It will have to reflect the way she lived her life and the way she gave herself to us. Yet for all that, and in effect, no words of mine; however eloquent, expressive, smooth or lucid, would be expansive enough or worthy enough, to describe this person who magically changed my life forever, just under five decades ago. How ironic it is that even two years after her demise, I am still at a loss to even find, and certainly struggle to present, the most appropriate words that would do justice to the entire legacy that she left behind.

The generosity of her demeanour, that gentle but unbending strength of character and the soft-spoken sense of integrity, amongst many other sterling attributes, were never ever shaken even in the whole of her lifetime. The platform of her caring work in her chosen profession just allowed her to refine and make good use of those fantastic qualities even more. Uninhibited empathy was her forte. Her profile has always been about her actions, her passion for life and not ever about just empty gestures of a charade or words of pretence. No one has ever known her to be infatuated by her accomplishments in life. On no occasion did she ever define herself by what she had achieved, but rather, she elected to achieve what she defined as deserving her abiding attention. She excelled in doing things through her inherent capacity for translating her beliefs into profound action. She was quite idealistic in the most productive of ways.

Anyone who spoke to her for even 30 seconds would be inclined to forget the many great things that she had done but take to her as a lovely person as her enduring attractiveness and deportment would be quite a captivating spectacle. History would record for posterity her ability to embrace and rise above adversity, to move on in life, and to win… again., and AGAIN. She had the heart of a giant inside her demure, petite and silky exterior, as much as she would also be the heart of any gathering with her delicacy, finesse and style. For those of us who were ever so fortunate to have been close to her, it was a master-class in privilege, to have seen her quiet humility in life and to watch her unmistakable dignity in her sojourn on Mother Earth. For some of us who were even more blessed to be lifted out of ourselves by her laughter, to be on the receiving end of her always generous heart, we have had etched in us, things that reams of writings could never even vaguely portray. We have been deeply touched by her life; she did make us all that much better. Most definitely, in her absence, we will never be the same again.

All of those who have come into contact with her in many a sphere of activity, have always appreciated her as a superlative human being par excellence. Every single one of them loved her for just what she was, a person with internal and external beauty, even deep down to her innermost soul. Her colleagues in the speciality that she worked in, honoured her with the coveted Fellowship of the Sri Lanka College of Sexual Health and HIV Medicine while she was alive and then posthumously inaugurated an annual award in memory of her for the Best Poster Presentation of Research at the Annual Congress of the same College. In addition, her contemporaries in the AIDS Foundation of Lanka, where she worked after she retired from the National Health Service, commenced a Student Scholarship Scheme in her name. All these will perpetuate her memory into the future, throughout the corridors of time. We, of her family, are ever so grateful to all of them for honouring her in such a wonderful manner. Yet for all that, I know for sure that those wonderful accolades would sit ever so lightly on her humble shoulders, even in heaven.

As for me, looking back over my shoulder at a time 55 years ago, when I first saw her, there was perhaps an immediate connection. Then it took another 6 years for that connection to develop into a thing so strong that I was drawn to her in a way that I had never felt before. As that connection advanced over time, there was a love so deep, so strong and so complex, that made me doubt whether I have ever really loved anyone ever before. My soulmate understood and linked with me in every possible way and brought a sense of peace, calmness and of course intense happiness, whenever she was around. Yet for all that, how does one cope with losing the person, whom one lived for? It looked as if the bottom had dropped off from my life and there was nothing more to live for. But I had to pick up the pieces and live again because I know for sure that it is exactly what she would want from me.

To know, and to realise today, just two years after she left us, how very much she was loved and how very much she loved us, over and over, again and again, is absolutely amazing and remarkably beyond belief. Even now it takes my breath away to have been able to see her put everything away with tremendous zeal to commit her heart and soul into the highest echelons of love that she gave us as a spouse and a mother. Right in the deepest parts of my own heart, she never had a worthy rival claiming that very heart; not even one with just a semblance of qualities to come even close to it. Sarojini was indeed the greatest person that I have ever known. All of us in the family, as well as in our extended family, have been greatly honoured and deeply overwhelmed to have been the recipients of that sweetest, and the warmest honey of unbridled, unparalleled and unsurpassed love, from a woman like no other. To be in love with someone like Sarojini is to be in love with life; for she was the very essence of the good life itself. The radiant smile that she was renowned for, represented the embodiment of the lyrics of the song popularised by Louis ‘Satchmo’ Armstrong, which goes as: –

When you’re smilin’, keep on smilin’,

The whole world smiles with you.

And when you’re laughin’, oh when you’re laughin’,

The sun comes shining through.

The saddest moment in life is when the one who gave you the very best memories, becomes a memory. Now, there is only a void that can never be filled. Yet we rejoice in a life that she lived to the full, mostly in the service of others. We believe that for her to live on in the hearts of those who loved her is never to have died at all.

I am quite sure, that in her heavenly abode, she would be inclined to echo the following sentiments from the religion that we believe in, so eloquently expressed in a hymn written by Joseph H. Gilmore in 1880 and presented with music composed by William Bradbury.

And when my task on earth is done,

when by thy grace the victory’s won,

e’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,

since God through Jordan leadeth me.

May she rest in eternal peace, in the arms of her creator!