Brides and Grooms – The Search

by ACB Pethiyagoda

An Indian journalist, very probably married and with no ‘issues’, as children are often referred to in that country, has found advertisements in the ‘Wanted-Brides/Bridegrooms’ columns a source of amusement. The article which appeared in the Daily News recently gives one the impression that some Indians, lately, appear to find serious situations to be funny and vice versa and are only too ready, at least in the newspapers, to treat another’s problem as if they themselves have not or would not ever face similar situations. Be that as it may we ourselves are no different at times.

In our own country these matrimonial newspaper advertisements are taken seriously by those who insert them and those who await the dawn of each Sunday in the hope that with the assistance of the marriage proposals columns their search for a future partner in life would end. Of course, in their prevailing circumstances, they hardly realize that with that end comes the end of many pleasant and unpleasant facets of their lonely or not so lonely lives!

Consider for instance the plight of the ‘Highly qualified, Sinhala Buddhist 35-year-old, teetotaller, engineer working abroad and on a short holiday in December, who advertised that “he wishes to meet a wealthy, good looking, fair, well educated lady from a respectable family with a view to marriage” before returning to work end December.

That is a tall end of year order and one assumption is that this highly qualified engineer, unlike large numbers of other less qualified lonely hearts has no faith in the influence of celestial bodies on his life as there is no indication in the advertisement of the star he was born under and he does not appear to be interested in the planetary positions which influence his future wife. Perhaps this is because what he sees is more important to him than what he does not.

He is indeed sensible as far as this aspect goes but on the other hand with the hordes of women who are ready to pawn, steal and forge to leave the country even as multi-duty housemaids to unknown Arabs, he has not given sufficient thought to the possibility of being virtually inundated with replies from several thousand prospective brides to be or their loving parents, well meaning siblings, uncles, aunts or friends.

Such an avalanche, among several other reasons, is because few people think they are not wealthy, good looking, well educated or from a respectable family and they are absolutely correct as these attributes are only relative terms.

This engineer has not realized what a stupendous and risky task he is soon to face or it may be that he is the trusting type who has still not learnt enough about life. He is also, to say the least, rather unfair as he does not say where or what he engineers, particularly because there being engineers and engineers in foreign lands!

If he has not already arranged for secretarial and perhaps courier services also how would this advertiser sort his mail, write back to the selected candidates, fix appointments, meet them, short list them, compare their merits and finally marry one of them, all ‘on a short holiday”?

Also, if he is successful in his mission in spite of the constraints and hazards, would he not have a lurking suspicion at all times that he may have missed the ‘gem’ as all he had to go by were mere letters and his intuition without samples, trials, tests and specs to guide him as is usual in his professional life?

Further, could not the deceitful (there being enough and more of them now) introduce him to a beauty and imply or produce proof of her graduation, bank accounts, CDs, NRFC Account, Term Deposits, Special Deposits, houses, lands close relationship to all sorts of high flying types (there being enough and more them also now) and on the all important day produce someone without any or at best with the less valuable of the required qualifications?

Some would say, ‘what stupidity’. May be, but then such things have happened and have been attempted in the past, will happen and will be attempted in the future too. How so? Just as much as a sucker is born every minute so are crooks, knaves, liars and imposters.How that Indian journalist found such grave and dangerous situations to be funny is beyond comprehension.

Advertisements are also frequently inserted by men and women declaring themselves as divorcees who are the ‘innocent party’ and a great, great majority of them are ‘without encumbrances.’ Does this mean that those with encumbrances have had enough of matrimony and do not seek partners as they have no wish to encumber themselves with a spouse also? If so, thank the Gods, we do seem to have wise and pragmatic people among us.

Another question comes to mind. What do the men and women who fall into the category of the ‘guilty party’ do about finding marriage partners? Are they sufficiently experienced and resourceful enough to find partners without help of newspapers or have they decided that the life of a ‘singleton’ as someone said, is preferable to being spliced? Or have they locked the proverbial cupboard so securely that they feel safe enough to masquerade as the ‘innocent party’?

Advertisers in the matrimonial columns of our newspapers are indeed brash and trusting people. They are no different from thousands like them in more advanced countries who go to computer banks not only to punch in their requirements but have the advantage of an instant offer of a choice of several suitable partners with micro chip assistance.

Good luck to them all in the New Year!

(First published in 1987)