Life style
Being single in your thirties shouldn’t make you feel guilty
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of ‘good’ moral character must be in search of a husband. That is, it was a truth rather universally echoed by a society hell-bent on maintaining the dubiously constructed integrity of its hetero-patriarchial power structure. Although the parameters of what is acceptable and what is embraced on a societal level have begun to show a little malleability, there is still an inherent rigidness when it comes to the idea of the single woman. A single woman is not merely thought to be undesired or unlovable but is also broadly and openly labelled a failure for not having been able to secure the all-important husband.
If I had a penny for every time I was subjected to an interrogation that aimed to investigate the root cause of my singleness, I would be a rich woman on a sun-drenched seashore and not a writer chasing invoices. And it is this wanton curiosity—from family, friends, loved ones and more than the occasional impertinent stranger—that offends me the most. Within South Asian circles especially, it is considered routine, if not entirely loving, to lambast a single woman for not having found a husband, and while it can sometimes adopt the desperately teasing lilt of a joke destined to fail, familial pressure only adds another voice to the already haunting chorus questioning your right to exist while single in your thirties. It gives rise to a fight-or-flight reflex within me wherein I invariably choose the ‘fight’ option and am cornered into making a defensive rebuke of the question-asker, while also trumpeting my single and content status—like a deer in the headlights, if that deer were slightly rabid.
I could tell you that I love living alone and being responsible for nobody but myself, I could wax rhapsodically about the unbearably tender intimacy of nurturing yourself or the astounding clarity that can sometimes come with solitude. But the truth is that being single in your thirties isn’t all self-care Sundays and group hugs with your best girlfriends and bell hooks quotes come to life. It can be frustrating, lonely and embarrassingly full of yearning. But single women of a certain age are rarely, if ever, given the space to feel the full spectrum of emotions that being unattached can inspire. There is a pop-culture push, à la Sex and the City, to trumpet your singleness as a badge of pride. Anything resembling unhappiness in single women over thirty is perceived as an admittance of guilt; a silent concurrence with the school of thought that labels you an ‘overeducated and undersexed’ member of the brigade of career-focussed women who have sacrificed lifelong companionship at the altar of personal ambition.
What lies beneath the probing questions from ostensibly well-meaning aunties and terrifying offers from friends to set you up with a degenerate cousin is that society, broadly—and Indian families, specifically—have no idea what to do with or how to react to single women. The life trajectory of a woman is so intrinsically tied to the idea of marriage within the South Asian context that a woman living her life without a man baffles the public imagination. There is a burden of expectation that comes with being a good daughter from a good family, and that expectation consists almost entirely of finding a similarly well-positioned husband and creating good little children to perpetuate this cycle of alleged goodness. There is a prevailing air of disappointment and disapproval that surrounds single Indian women in their thirties, and it is sometimes thick and putrid enough to pierce even the happiest single-by-choice bubbles of existence.
This is not to say anything of the plight faced by people who fall outside the gender binary or heterosexuality. For those who are not waiting for a “mister” at all, the task of trying to live life without bowing to the pressures of mainstream society adopts a Sisyphean quality. There is a plurality of gender and sexual identities that help weave the fabric of society, and suppressing these identities in favour of strict hetero-patriarchy not only fails those that need to be the most supported, BBCbut also quashes any hope of social progress in favour of keeping up with the Joneses.
Even for those that do fall into the narrow confines of what is socially acceptable, the path for single adult women is fraught, hostile and littered with indignities. From apartment buildings in Mumbai refusing to rent to single women (citing their alleged immorality as the cause) to the dismal statistic that working women who state their preference to continue their careers post-marriage receive 22% fewer matches on matchmaking websites or the fact that arranged marriage—which constitutes 97% of the marriages in India—creates an imbalanced power structure that favours men and allows for both the extortion of money from women’s families via dowry and the perpetuation of caste politics.
If I am told one more time to “put myself out there”, I will stage a violent revolt. Every single woman in her thirties has a Rolodex of unsolicited advice that she has received in response to her singledom. For a time following the release of Lori Gottlieb’s 2008 self-help tome, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, grown women could be convinced that attraction could be sacrificed in lieu of someone who “would make a good father and husband,” if that woman were “running out of time.” Although we have seemingly graduated from that enlightened school of thought, it doesn’t stop people from telling you to go on more dates or married friends asking if you have “tried Bumble” or your parents emotionally blackmailing you by referring to hypothetical grandchildren. It does not stop people from having the audacity to label you “too picky” or “too introverted” or “too opinionated” or the kind of person that just hasn’t put enough effort into The Cause.
The truth is, I would love to be set up with the right person or to have them magically glide into my life determined to present me with a happily-ever-after. I would love for a serendipitous run-in to turn into the relationship of a lifetime. I would love to swipe right and find Mr. Better-Than-You-Ever-Thought-It-Could-Be. But I am not willing to settle or saddle myself with a person who does not add love or intimacy or emotional value to my life. And I would like to spend the time between now and the moment I meet the inevitable One in peace and not languishing in shame, as prescribed by society.– BBC
Institute of Hospitality Sri Lanka
The 32nd Annual General Meeting (AGM) of the UK-based Institute of Hospitality’s Sri Lanka Chapter was held recently at the Ramada Hotel Colombo,.The event provided an evening of camaraderie , reflection of the past and present achievements,setting new benchmarks for the future
The AGM had the presence of two distinguished guests, the Chief Guest Opposition Leader Sajith Premadasa, and the Guest of Honour British High Commissioner to Sri Lanka, Andrew Patrick. Their inspiring speeches were lauded by all hoteliers who were present at the occasion
A special thanks was extended to Robert Richardson, CEO of the Institute of Hospitality UK, along with his team, sponsors, committee members, and all attendees for making the event memorable.
Dr. Harsha Jayasingh, Past President of the Institute of Hospitality (UK) Sri Lanka Chapter, emphasised the Institute’s longstanding history and the strength of its Sri Lankan branch. “The Institute of Hospitality (IH) UK has a history of 86 years, and we are proud to be the Sri Lanka Branch. IH Sri Lanka is much stronger now with many members from all areas of the hospitality industry,” he stated.
Dr. Jayasingh highlighted the significant role of tourism in Sri Lanka’s economy,. He said tourism it is the third-largest source of revenue for the country. “Tourism accounts for about 13.3% of total foreign exchange earnings and employs 450,000 people directly and indirectly. The hospitality industry in this island of pearl holds tremendous potential for economic growth, job creations, and cultural exchange,” he added.
He also pointed out more women should be attracted to the industry and advocated for the use of technology in hospitality sector to attract the younger generation.
The newly appointed Chairman Ramesh Dassanayake spoke about the challenges faced by the industry, including the reluctance of youth to join the sector. . Dassanayake expressed concerns over the migration of staff between hotels and the overall ‘brain drain’ in the sector. ” We must maintain high standards in the hotel We must try to attract tourists to Sri Lanka, we must have with many facilities Hence, hotel schools and other professional institutions involved in skills development mustincrease their intakes,” he pointed out.
Chief Guest Sajith Premadasa emphasised the importance of eco tourism and said “We need to have an environmental policy related to tourism in place,” . .
The 32nd AGM of the Institute of Hospitality UK, Sri Lanka Chapter, was a testament to the strength and potential of Sri Lanka’s hospitality industry. The insights and commitments shared during the event set a new benchmark for the future.(ZC)
Pix by Thushara Attapathu
Life style
He recognizes human identity beyond boundaries of gender, race, nationality and religion.
Visit of Sri Gurudev to Sri Lanka
Humanitarian, spiritual leader and Global Ambassador of Peace Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (Sri Gurudev) was in Sri Lanka on a three day tour on the invitation of the Prime Minister of Sri Lanka Dinesh Gunewardene. Gurudev who inspired a wave of volunteerism and service to moot one of the largest volunteer-based organisations in the world – The Art of Living – visited the various projects under the aegis of the foundation and launched twelve vocational and technical centers around the island. He was accompanied by thousands of followers from Sri Lanka and around the world.
Gurudev who visited Sri Lanka for the sixth time also had a first day cover launched in honour of his visit. He is a strong proponent of spreading happiness, using the unique Sudarshan Kriya, yoga, meditation and practical wisdom to unite people, empower individuals and transform communities. His programmes provide techniques and tools to live a deeper, more joyous life, while his non-profit organisations recognize the human identity beyond the boundaries of gender, race, nationality and religion.
The Art of Living which has more than 30,000 teachers and over one million volunteers across 180 countries has touched in excess of five hundred million people around the world. CNN called it “Life Changing” and The Washington Post headlined it, “Fresh air to millions”.
In Trincomalee, Gurudev met with war victims and had a heartwarming engagement with the children from the children’s homes run by the Foundation. He also visited the Koneswara Temple in Trincomalee and graced the Kumbhabhishekam at Seetha ecogPnize the human identity beyond the boundaries of gender, race, nationality and religion. Amman temple at Nuwara Eliya. He held discussions with the trustees on the progress of the foundation’s social service projects, while also holding a special event – Ekamuthuwa – attended by a large number of dignitaries and his devotees from around the world.
His time with the Prime Minister was spent discussing the prospects of unity in diversity and uniting Sri Lanka by adding happiness into the formula of living. In addition he had discussions with the Speaker of the Parliament of Sri Lanka Mahinda Yapa Abeywardena, prominent business stewards and civil society leaders.
by Zanita Careem
Envison your dream wedding day come to life at the Epitome Hotel, a prestigious city hotel in Kurunegala offering an unrivalled luxury rendors experience for weddings.
The venue is designed to embody opulence and luxury from all quarters for a spectacular wedding in kurunegala,Thier ballroom is the largest banquet facility in Sri Lanka It can be divided into six luxurious pillarless wedding halls on the ground floor and 25pax smaller banquet halls.
It can be easily named as a five star heaven in the heart of the city contributing to a myriad of immense experiences tailored to inspire and delight wedding experiences.
From opulent décor set up to exquisite table decor, lavish food, every detail is meticulously curated to spark your imagination and ignite creativity for a perfect wedding. The previous prestigious wedding shows season one and season two attracted large crowds
were unique events which gave the wedding vendors and potential clients had an opportunity to connect and interact with each other. Beyond being a showcase it was a chance for the wedding vendors to unite and contribute to the vibrancy of the wedding industry. The wedding show covered all area of the bridal industry providing a comprehensive variety of bridal supplies from Sri lanka and became the most popular bridal exhibitions in Kurunegala.This bridal exhibitions allowed brides and grooms to experience first hand the products and services available from suppliers in Sri Lanka
These wedding shows held at The Epitome created a benchmark and gave an opportunity for vendors to create connections to the utmost satisfaction said Harshan Lakshita Executive Director. of the magnificent Hotel
Our wedding shows featured experts and professionals in every field‘ It covered all areas of the bridal industry provided a comprehensive variety of bridal supplies from Sri lanka and became most popular bridal exhibition in this region.We are always open to everyone to join us at our wedding shows in the future. It is an opportunity to discover the incredible talent within our local wedding and bridal vendors to make meaningful relationships and plan thier special day at our breathtaking hotel The Epitome said General Manager Kavinda Caldera
The Epitome Hotel’s bridal show which will be held end of June will buzz with great ideas,advice and inspiration for all those who plan thier dream wedding
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The Hotel Epitome’s Wedding Season 3 will marked excellence, celebration and inspiration for those in the wedding industry. The exhibition halls will resonate with ideas on exquisite bridal wear to decor, florists , photography etc and showshowcase the rich tapestry of talent within the local wedding industry. .
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