Appreciation – Sarojini Jayawickrama

It is now six years since Sudu Amma passed away, but her memory lives on in my heart and I am sure in many more. Sudu Amma was a second mother to me from childhood, with us living downstairs and she, Nihal bappa and my two cousins upstairs. I had to only go upstairs when I was bored or simply needed company, being an only child. Though she was part and parcel of my childhood and growing years, my most vivid memories of her are in later years. I believe this is because they had to leave Sri Lanka and make their home away, across the shores, when I was 12-years old. This seemed to be a heartbreaking tragedy at the time as they were a part of my day to day life, as we almost lived in the same house, with the connecting doors between the two houses being open most of the day. Nishana, or Nangi and I used to be at each other’s places for at least a part of each day.

I once visited them in Hong Kong, on my way back home on a break from university abroad, holidayed with them in Germany with Ammi on another occasion, and then in the latter years spent time with her in England at different times. Each of these visits with her hold special memories for me, together with the times we shared when they returned to Sri Lanka on holiday.

I remember the time in Hong Kong where I was extremely well looked after by her. This was my first holiday away without immediate family and I was initially wondering whether it may not be better to just head back home without stopping for a visit. However, I didn’t and it proved to be a very memorable holiday with time spent with her. Strangely, my strongest memories of that holiday are of her, and not my cousins, who I was always very close to. True, I did have a lovely time with them, but memories I have of them during this holiday are somewhat hazy, whereas my memories of Sudu Amma, on this holiday are very vivid.

The only time in my life I really enjoyed Thai green curry and red curry was when I went out to lunch with her to a Thai restaurant in Hong Kong. It seemed to be a really tasty and enjoyable meal, but looking back now, I see that it was merely being in her company which made the meal so good, as I now find Thai red and green curries almost unpalatable! On that day, it was one of the best meals I ever had! I even tried to find this restaurant, when I visited Sharanya two years ago in Hong Kong, when we were sharing and exchanging memories of Sudu Amma.

Another memory with her in Hong Kong is going to see the giant Buddha statue which was a glorious experience. It was all the more enchanting and mystic as it was a misty day (or appeared to be misty due to heavy smog in the area!). I believe this was a rare occasion when Sudu Amma ventured quite far from her lovely apartment to go sightseeing, as she really had not done much sightseeing there. She and Nihal bappa were always homing pigeons, not keen to venture far from the safety and comfort of home! Home was such a lovely place with an unimaginably fantastic view of the Hong Kong harbour, that it is no surprise that they were completely content to just stay at home!

I also remember going to Ocean Park, the big amusement park in Hong Kong with her and Nishana and climbing up to the park in a cable car. This was my first experience of a cable car, so it was a very exciting day, with much entertainment packed in with my cousins. On the same holiday, we went on a shopping spree where she most generously bought me many lovely sweatshirts. This was a shopping expedition I enjoyed, though I don’t usually enjoy shopping, at least not beyond a certain point! But she was always such delightful and interesting company that time spent with her, especially chatting together, was high quality time. I don’t recall the length of my stay in Hong Kong, and it couldn’t have been more than four days …. but how packed with memories, love and laughter those few days were!

Sudu Amma made the most of her time in Hong Kong, teaching at the university there in continuation of her academic career, obtaining her PhD and even engaging in recreational activities such as aerobics. She always seemed to have the ability to live fully and make the best of whatever life offered, making lemonade out of lemons that came her way. She enjoyed literature and reading very much and read very widely. Her continuous love of reading probably contributed to making her the broad minded and free-thinking person she was, together with her being a member of the Ladies’ College family! Reflecting back on our childhood days, Sudu Amma did not “take lessons” or even do syllabus revision with Nangi in preparation for end of term tests, to the best of my knowledge. I remember Nangi working hard and determinedly, reading aloud from her notes and textbooks while studying and doing very well, with self-driven ambition and goals. Sudu Amma did no spoon feeding, but instead encouraged independence in her kids and had faith that they would set their own pace, paths and goals in life. The ability to give not only roots, but also wings to one’s fond nestlings to fly away strong is indeed a great gift.

I have lovely memories of her in England too. One of the nicest days I remember is one spent with her at Regent’s Park, together with my elder daughter who was just a baby of two at the time. All three of us thoroughly enjoyed the day, which we started off with a snack at Lemoni’s, one of Sudu Amma’s favourite restaurants. It was one of those truly fantastic English Summer days, with bright blue sky above and nature at its best, plump squirrels running around, robins and sparrows in flight, pigeons hopping around and ducks and swans swimming majestically in the pond, with flowers in full bloom. The roses at Queen Mary’s Garden were spectacularly beautiful and we basked in the warmth of the sun’s rays, fully enjoying the moment.

We had such a wonderful time, just enjoying nature in its full glory, engaging in lively, warm conversation and of course being entertained by baby and her antics. We had not noticed time passing, so much so that we ultimately had a grand finale of a burst pamper, courtesy baby! We laughed till we cried, and then collected ourselves sufficiently to do the needful! Such was time spent with Sudu Amma – engaging, lighthearted, thought-provoking and of course sometimes downright hilarious!

There were similar such times, with another day being spent in Cambridge with Sudu Amma, Sharanya and baby. Sharanya kindly took us around the universities and we then had a picnic lunch overlooking a river, with time spent in lighthearted cheer. That too was another beautiful and memorable day. It would then have been unimaginable to think that in the not too distant future, both Sudu Amma and Sharanya would be taken away from us, so cruelly by cancer. Sudu Amma, I know that you thought that you had overcome your battle with cancer and had much hope and positive thoughts for life, even hours before you left this world. Such positive thinking and hope for the best possible, with a strong will to get the maximum and best from life is truly admirable and a trademark quality of yours.

You had much to offer life and life did give you a myriad of good times and happiness with a loving family, travel to explore places across the world and make different spaces of the globe your home, the challenge of which you took on well and made into wonderful opportunities for personal growth and broadening of horizons. Of course, there were bad moments interspersed, as is common to all worldlings, which you took on gracefully. May your samsaric journey be short and sweet and may you have less trials and obstacles and more happiness and inner joy on your road to Nibbana. You are fondly remembered and sadly missed, though you certainly do live on in our hearts, with memories of many shared good times, joy and laughter. Till we meet again …..

Amanthi