Appreciation and Approbation of Ray Forbes

I quote the death notice of Ray Forbes forwarded to me by Jayantha Somasunderam from Australia who admired Ray and kept in close touch with him. When I relayed the very sad news of Ray’s death on January 28th, he could not take it, so saddened was he, and shocked.

The statement sent out by the Sri Lanka Ministry of Foreign Affairs reads thus: “Deshabandu Reginald George Bernard Forbes (1936-2024) formerly of the SLFS (Sri Lanka Foreign Service) has passed away. His funeral takes place tomorrow at 2 pm in Anuradhapura. His remains are currently lying at his residence 74 Tissa Mawatha, Old Town, Anuradhapura (SLOS – SL Overseas Service – 1962 batch).”

A short, staid obituary sharply in contrast to the vibrant personality whose death was announced. Though I knew Ray for well 40 forty years I had not known he was honoured with the title Deshabandu, and he had three first names. That is proof of one of Ray’s outstanding character traits: modest simplicity – just Ray Forbes to the world. I used the epithet vibrant to portray his personality. Yes, Ray was most alive – radiating goodwill, fellow-feeling; metta in short, and an infectious joy in being alive, right up to the final ten days of his life. He was real simple in his style of living, managing to cook his meagre vegetarian meals but imbued with goodness. He most enjoyed listening to classical music, playing the piano fitted in to his small dwelling, teaching and living with, as he said: a stretch of paddy fields, the calm waters of the Tissa Wewa and the majestic Ruwanveliseya in view. He enjoyed simple rustic living, close to nature among simple people.

He was much into comparative religion and was broad minded enough to appreciate the values of Buddhism and Hinduism, though a very staunch Roman Catholic, wanting in his youth to join the priesthood. He kept in touch with local friends – phoning them – and a host of relatives and friends overseas. Hence if you asked him what could be brought or sent to him from Colombo, his invariable answer was ‘aerogrammes’.

But he was in reality no simple man, far from the nonentity he aimed at being. He had a distinguished school career in St Peter’s College, Colombo, achieving much in academic and co- curricular activities. Music was much in his genes – a member of a very musical family with many recognised for their excellence in western classical music, pop too. At College he excelled as a chorister and was Choir Master. He was religious too having two older brothers: Fr Dalston and Dr Charles Forbes.

Career

He read for his BA degree in the University of Peradeniya in the late 1960s and soon after was recruited to the Sri Lanka Foreign Service, which I believe is the most sought after service next to the pinnacle in status Ceylon Civil Service. He served in various capacities in a couple of missions globally and then was appointed Deputy Chief of Mission, Sri Lanka High Commission in India. He was in charge of the Deputy High Comission in Madras when he got disillusioned with being a career man and, as he once said ruefully, tired of playing host to a string of Sri Lankans visiting India to sight-see or on pilgrimage and basing themselves in his bachelor residence.

In 1990 he resigned from dpl service, much before retirement age, and, giving room to his desire to do good and help fellow human beings, joined the most taxing of service giving – Mother Teresa’s House of Joy in Calcutta with official name Kalighat the Home of the Pure Heart (Nirmal Hriday). He survived the truly basic living minus all creature comforts, except mental solace perhaps, in saving abject destitutes.

He admitted he did not mind being spat at, scratched, even bitten by people he saved from dying in gutters and drains, but he could not take being deprived of his soul–bread of classical music and having to endure Carnatic and Indian pop music from surrounding tea shops. Helpers were not allowed radios and of course concerts and theatre. Within two years he left Mother Teresa’s charity and returned to Sri Lanka.

He was snapped up in 1983 as Director/ Bandaranaike Centre for International Studies (BCIS) – an absolutely efficient person with a prestigious career background, not concerned at all about thathvaya and salary and even working hours. He used to cycle from Dehiwala for work, but towards the end of his tenure, he was given a room to reside in, within the BCIS building. His was to do an excellent job and care for the welfare of those working under him and students and lecturers in the study courses the BCIS facilitated: a diploma course in international relations and Sinhala and Tamil classes.

The Friend

I first met Ray as BCIS/Director when I sat the entrance test to read for the post graduate diploma. My chair was low and I wanted my chin well above the table I was to answer exam papers on. Ray, conducting the exam, apologized for not having a cushion but got a big tome for me to sit on, a dictionary or encyclopedia!

Reams could be written about his commitment to duty, to the excellence and efficiency with which he steered the study courses the BCIS conducted, and the almost weekly lectures by distinguished persons local and foreign, he curated. Ralph Buultjens was a frequent speaker at these evening events. We students formed an Alumni Association and so our connection with Ray continued.

He left the BCIS in 1997 and moved to live in Anuradhapura. Whispered among us was that he could not afford Colombo living. His nieces in Australia alone would have helped him live in Colombo, but it was not in his nature to accept financial assistance. I kept in touch with him and met him every time I visited Anuradhapura, as many of his ‘students’ did. He used to travel to Colombo and would come visit me and offer to make his own meal in his way. I asked him how and got my dame to do it as directed.

He then stopped going about, and we continued telephoning each other almost every weekend. When asked how he was, he would always reply “Fine, I am doing well.” Sometimes with a hearty “Splendid! Very happy.” He was into comparative religion, and taught English to school and university students and western music to a few. Lessons were all free of charge. Each time I went for a symphony orchestra recital or theatre event, I would send him a programme, as requested. He enjoyed this vicarious appreciation of good theatre but I felt sad he could not live in Colombo.

Then in his late 80s Ray Forbes succumbed to complications following a varicose vein operation in the Anuradhapura hospital. He had had a lens implant in one eye in the same hospital which was unsuccessful and partially blinded him. But never a word of complaint or blame by him. He had full faith in the doctors in Anuradhapura. About two weeks ago he phoned me and said he had this minor operation and was sent home the same day. I was completely perturbed and asked him whether his neighbour would not help or friends in town.

“I am perfectly fine”, he confidently affirmed. When I phoned him two days later he said he was in pain. Again phoning him a day later he managed to say he was in hospital and in severe pain. Feeling so helpless I appealed to a medical specialist-lecturer to connect with doctors in Anuradhapura hospital and see to Ray. A niece of his and family from Australia had been with him over Christmas but they had left by the time of his operation.On Sunday (28) morning my cousin who with his wife were close friends of Ray phoned to say Ray had breathed his last.

We mourn his death. Gratitude of the many is owed him for the example he set of high principles; unobtrusive and down to earth; satisfied in the very simple life he led; in touch with relatives, friends and past students spread far and wide. Also for unobtrusively influencing the many to appreciate the worthwhile in life.It is a very sad and unexpected goodbye, but celebration is called for, for a life of excellence. We celebrate him and take immense joy in having known this great, good man.

Nanda Pethiyagoda