Antidote to Languishing

Remember two weeks ago I wrote of the name given to the malaise people generally feel due to lockdowns and worries caused by the cursed Covid 19. We all had a kind of lethargy without enough energy for routine tasks of the past. We were not tired, not ill by any means, but certainly not keen on making ourselves do something, even reading for long, crocheting or even telephoning friends. It was diagnosed as a mental/emotional feeling caused by Covid 19 negatives and on the scale of mental and emotional well being, midway between exhilaration at one end and depression at the other. It was termed Languishing. I read recently an article dated May 4 in the New York Times by Dani Blum on how to get past Languishing, which is termed Flourishing. I mean to quote Blum here and also make my own comments.

First step to recovery

Even though Sri Lanka is still in the stranglehold of infection and far from normal, we will overcome, sooner or later. The first idea in the article is the answer to ‘how to’, is in our own hands. We have to recharge our emotional batteries and “spark a sense of fulfillment, purpose and happiness”. Psychologists call this lofty combination of physical, mental and emotional fitness ‘Flourishing’. It is the exact opposite of languishing with its sense of stagnation. Flourishing is an all-encompassing notion of well being and contentment. Not so impossible, or even very difficult to those who are of a religious bent.

Speaking as a Buddhist, we are attuned to the truism expressed in so many suttas by the Buddha who proclaimed we are our own redeemers; we have to seek the Path and then travel along it, finally ending all dukkha of samsaric existences. Leaving that aside, if and when we remember that life is full of changes and every thing in it is impermanent, then we can tell ourselves that even negative feelings are transient. Unless we suffer mental aberration, we can regain emotional and mental equilibrium by ourselves. Guides there are aplenty, starting from the Dhamma and including monks and friends and elders but “be an island unto yourself, seek your own deliverance.” Meditators will shoot back to Flourishing, if they suffered Languishing; certainly in their case – minimally.

Assess yourself

Another step is to search your mind and find out whether you were down in the dumps for no reason, emotionally not in a proper frame of mind. One point is to ask yourself when you get up from a night’s sleep whether you welcome a new day or want to go back to sleep or loll miserably. Do you have a sense of purpose or can you muster it soon enough? This is not me advising but a professor of Yale, Lauri Santos, who teaches a course called the Science of Well-being. “You are the expert on your own sense of Flourishing” she says.

Savor and celebrate small things

.

We have been merely telephoning, emailing, Skyping, SMS-ing, Zooming and having things virtual. Now that most of us are vaccinated and have at least a certain degree of immunity, we should get back to real contact with others; also paying more attention to positives. Psychologists call it ‘savouring’. How many of us are grateful we got the second jab of AZ we desired, at least those over 70, then 60-70 in Colombo? Gratitude is on par with the four dhamma viharas of metta, karuna, muditha and uppeka. We lost much of the last, disturbed as we were and consequently loosing whatever emotional equilibrium we had. Many people having loving kindness and generosity, they gave generously to those less privileged and suffering much more than us the middle and upper middle tier of society.

Do five good deeds.

This too is advocated by psychologists who studied what happened to even normal, well balanced people during and post pandemic. Acts of kindness help others and help ourselves. I have already mentioned the fact of people helping others. A cousin phoned me an hour ago and said her block of flat inmates were invited to pay for a bundle of goods to be distributed to locked down daily wage earners and their starving families, at Rs 3,500 per package. She said one neighbour donated almost a lakh of rupees while many paid much more than the single package cost. She also whispered that some very rich, did not respond.

A 2004 study in the US showed that when college students spent a day doing five acts of kindness – like donating blood, helping a friend with a paper or writing a thank you note to a former professor – they experienced more significant increases in well-being than those who spread out five kind things over the course of a week. The acts of kindness, needless to say could include volunteer work that we see on TV, like people growing seedlings or cleaning beaches.

“Even a quick chat with a stranger or a momentary bond with someone new can foster a sense of fulfillment, particularly when what researchers call a high quality connection occurs. They don’t have to be lasting relationships or long interactions, Sometimes people feel an extra spring in their step when they talk to a stranger on a plane or a subway, or when somebody greets them at a restaurant.”

I can personally vouch for the efficacy of this sort of transient connection. Lonely in a foreign airport, stressed about connecting flight etc, a chat with another waiting her connection is so comforting. The younger me, when stressed by an argument with spouse, found it remedial to reduce emotional tension by just walking out the door and along a road in the neighbourhood. That smile exchanged; that look of sweetness of a lovely girl brought back good sense and steadiness. I well remember getting on a bus to Kandy to spend the weekend with my sister when spouse did not take me to a party and we had an unpleasant exchange.

I was silently crying with my face averted to the window and the stranger beside me spoke kindly in Sinhala. “You seem very sad. Why?” It was not mere curiosity that prompted the question. She was concerned about me. Truth was hardly revealable since it was me hyping; so I lied hospitalizing my poor sister. The stranger was so genuine in saying my sister would surely improve. It comforted me; more, it put me straight. I was allowing my emotions to make a big thing of an argument.

Find purpose in everyday routines.

What things do you look forward to each day? What gives your life meaning? Research has found that flourishing comes from daily routines, like working on a new skill or reaching out to thank the people you value in your life, and small moments of mastery, connection and meaning.

Try something new.

Doing something you don’t normally do could help much to elevate your emotional Languishing. It would be as simple as cleaning out a drawer or experimenting in cooking. I had a friend who used to buy a pair of shoes each time she felt low; she was an emotional creature. Maybe she bettered Imelda Marcos in her collection of footwear. I like to paint my nails a shocking red and gaze at them!! Maybe admiration, more suitably – horror!

Most important for overall well being, Psychologist Dr. Keyes said, “is being interested in life; a sense of satisfaction or happiness tends to follow that. The pandemic has challenged us because we haven’t been able to pursue many of our previous interests. The first key to feeling good about life is to seek out new interests.” Or, I add, now that we are vaccinated, many of us in Colombo, is to reconnect physically with friends and relatives, but hemin, hemin and within limits.

Most of the US is back to normal – proms, graduations, home barbecues and lunches, and traveling, and these after Biden’s almost miraculous 100 days of reversing Trump’s mad decisions stubbornly taken. The US suffered the worst pandemic with hundreds dying daily but now trains run and people are very ‘near normal’ if not completely back to old ways of life.

Sri Lanka’s second/third surge is taking long to subside, but it must and will. Inoculation must be fast and furious and we the people still have to be extremely circumspect and stay indoors, when and if possible. C-19 is certainly not going to disappear soon; it will wait on for long. We’ll have to live with it.